i’ve been meaning to post for the past few days, but have been so tired, and so sick, and i didn’t want to write a whinefest. so, let me get it over with quickly: i feel crappier every day, pretty much. when i am not sleeping, all i can think about is sleeping. also, potato chips are awesome. the saltier, the better. mmmmm.
my birthday was so. much. fun. we had a fire in our backyard, and friends came over for s’mores and chocolate cake. i made some hot mulled cider as well. there was very little alcohol (just a wee nip of whiskey for a few folks), which is unheard of with our group of friends. and yet, we were all tipsy as we warmed ourselves against the fire. and we watched the full moon rise over our house. i was even blessed with an evening-long reprieve from the morning sickness. i was so very grateful.
my friends were very generous with their love and gifts. i was given a signed madeleine l’engle book, prenatal vitamins, gorgeous barrettes, a pink bat tshirt, and one must not forget the st otto–patron saint of parking–air freshener. sweet h got me mama bee belly butter and a baby book. just this evening, i received a card from her mum. along with her generous gift, she signed her card, “granny b”. she is so excited about sparky.
my doctor appointment on friday. i haven’t really talked much about it other than the amazing ultrasound, because i’m still processing everything. it was a routine first prenatal appointment for the most part. they gave me lots of free literature about pregnancy and baby care. my dr was happy with the growth of my uterus. everything was puppies and kittens until we said the m word. yep. midwife. when we brought up the possibility of the midwife, dr c’s eyes narrowed and she said: “i don’t recommend it. this is your first baby, and it is simply unsafe. what the midwives won’t tell you is how many of their messes are brought into the hospital where i deliver. i don’t recommend the midwife, but i’m not going to talk you out of it.”
now i know that to some extent, dr c has to say that. however, it was a side to her i’ve never seen. she has been so wonderful and respectful up until now. maybe she is taking it personally that we would rather have a midwife deliver than her. it’s not about her at all. it’s about hospitals and interventions and bullying. on friday, i felt bullied. i felt like my wishes were naive.
when i paid my copay, the receptionist gave me the rundown on how they’d be billing from here on out–from the next appointment until sparky’s birth–and it freaked me out a bit. my next appointment is 11/21. i need to make a decision about a midwife before then, before the insurance ball gets rolling.
you may remember my email exchange with this midwife back in april. well, i got in touch with her, and we have our free consult on thursday at 2 pm. she lives less than 10 minutes away from us, and just a block away from the coach, which is entertaining. from all the stories i’ve read about her, as well as her credentials, i think she may be a perfect fit. seriously, she’s done seminars with ina may gaskin…
i confess that i feel like i’m cheating on my doctor by leaving her for a midwife. i feel guilty! after all, she played a huge role in getting me pregnant. and now i’m saying thanks, but no thanks. i’ll get over it, but she seemed genuinely upset on friday. sigh. is this scenario familiar to anyone?
ok. enough of my ramblings tonight. i leave you with belly picture, round one! 7 weeks, 1 day.
and here i am in a hormonal moment, as i’m already feeling fat and frumpy:
i am no skinny girl, but most of that paunch is baby. already. as h patted my belly this morning, she said, “oh my god, honey. you’re going to be huge!” um. wow.
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