Archive for January, 2008


so today was my monthly prenatal appointment. midwife kristen measured my fundal height three times before confirming that my uterus now measures in at 23 cm, as opposed to 16 cm just 4 weeks ago. sparky has clearly hit a growth spurt, and it shows.

i am proud to present my belly shot for this week:

20 weeks, 4 days.

bonus shot: moe and charley refused to move for the photoshoot. moe, in fact, told me to eff off when i asked him to relocate.

20 weeks 4 days bonus shot

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still alive.

i realize i haven’t posted in awhile, and i totally have some good excuses.

1. i went on a trip to nashville last week, and spent five days blissed out on the love of friends i haven’t seen forever.
2. i’m fighting the ick.
3. i’ve been in mortgage underwriting hell.

i’m happy to report that sparky has dealt with all of the above remarkably well. she’s growing and growing and her kicks are becoming stronger and more rhythmic. sometimes she wakes me up in the middle of the night. i’m so proud of my little karate champ. she’s currently practicing her crane maneuver.

i’ve noticed that she wakes up when i am feeling a lot of stress on my shoulders. mortgage drama has taken a turn toward absurd lately, as the only thing keeping my conditional approval from becoming full blown, here’s-your-house approval is documentation about my treatment for bipolar in 2004. are you effing kidding me? the amount of intimately confidential information i’ve had to disclose for the sake of loandom is simply staggering. i’ve spent the past week just trying to get my former healthcare providers to, well, provide proof of care, and holy shit, it’s been hell. because no one who answers phones is paid enough to care. meanwhile, sparky kicks and twirls and i apologize, baby, you shouldn’t have to feel all of this yet.

i think i’ve surmounted this bullshit obstacle with a call to a former doctor’s cell phone (hell, i used to teach his daughter sunday school!) and a promise that he’ll provide the documentation himself. if i’m right, we get to close on valentines day. glory be.

anyway. my time in nashville was a gift, and i got lots of gifts too. my dear friend alexia threw a kick ass shower for us, and many long lost faces attended. i need to post pictures of some of the booty, but trust me: kick.ass.everything.

in the meantime, here is a favorite photo from my trip, of me and my beloved friend jude and sparky…and my enormous rack:

the hottness = jude + sparky + bananie

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on our t.arg.et adventure this weekend–the one with the scan gun–h and i came across a few clearance items that we decided to purchase for ourselves. since my belly seems to have hit a growth spurt, we thought it best to model our finds on top of sparky herself. you know, to get a feel for how they will fit.

first, it’s the requisite rainbow onesie:
(h laments that the biggest size is 2t, and not a woman’s large.)

and naturally, the classic pooh 2 pack, one of which is featured here:
sparky lubs pooh.

finally, a self portrait of the last vestiges of what used to be a deep, cavernous belly button:
last vestiges of a belly button.

(weekly belly shot will return next week, hopefully. i’ve simply been too lazy, as you can tell from these photographs. they could have been taken on different days. i never leave the couch.)

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i’ve been tagged by sacha over at babycakes. here we go!

The Rules:
1) Link to the person that tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6) Let the fun begin!

1. i put this meme off for a few days because i couldn’t come up with any yet-undisclosed quirks about myself…

2. even though i have a normal girl voice, i can make it go very very low, and sound very much like a man. this is especially disarming over the phone. i’ve had fun with it for years, even to the point of setting my imaginary brother up on a blind date with a friend in high school. oh the cruelty.

3. i was once hugged by anne murray, whom i had to meet at a business luncheon that featured chicken wings. she was nice to me b/c we shared the same first name. she was not friendly with any of my coworkers. i have photographic evidence of this moment…maybe i will drag it out and scan someday.

4. i am traveling to nashville this wednesday (i lived there for 5 years before moving to texass), and friends are throwing me a baby shower. the theme? the immaculate conception. priceless. (i really wish h could come with me. boo…)

5. i currently cannot get enough of hot hot hot green curry in coconut milk with lots of chicken and veggies over jasmine rice. luckily, it’s pretty easy to make, and h is enjoying it as much as i am. so. i’ve had it 3 times in the past 4 days.

6. curiously enough, i am no longer constipated. (see # 5.)

i tag oneofhismoms, charlotte at dos mamas, and rajencreation.

carry on!

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i’ve discovered a cruel and unusual punishment for those of us who have no sense of decorating style, and fear copious amounts of the color pink: creating your own baby registry at t.arg.et. clearly, i have chosen the lesser of two evil empires, but holy shitballs. my head is spinning just trying to even come up with ideas for things we’ll probably/possibly/maybe need once sparky arrives.

can’t i just get some plain white burping cloths? why do i have to have mod circles? why must the layette essentials be so unequivocally carnation pink and powder blue and pee stain yellow?

i am having severe registry anxiety today. i think i will go eat some extra spicy thai food.

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a most recent compilation of keyword searches for this humble site:

no thanks
fat bellies that hang over pant
patron sac à pijamas
round bellies and butts
measuring fat belly
beauty contest charts
am i skinny enough for you
woman’s no panties
huge woman fat   — 6 times in one day
granny midwives
“sufjan stevens lives”
The baby’s way out of the uterus

(sexish is still my favorite.)

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after a long nap during which sparky kicked me relentlessly (i’d had coffee AND lemonade this morning, just to make sure she was active and willing to give up the money shot), i got up and scanned a few of the less abstract ultrasound photos. enjoy!

scary frontal photo in which sparky appears to have a handlebar mustache, but totally redeems herself by sucking on both hands:
front view

turtle-free photo, showcasing her gorgeous hamburger bun:
(the u/s tech said with a little giggle, “wow, she’s really spreading her legs for us!”

beautiful profile shot, where we see that she may just have my nose, and the coach’s lips:
sparky's profile.

sparky is a girl. my daughter. i lay on that table with h and the coach by my side this morning, and watched a miracle on a big flat screen tv. there was my daughter, flailing around, sitting crosslegged one second, and kicking herself in the head the next. she waved her little hands and covered her face. she smacked her placenta around a bit, and she sucked her thumb. h squeezed my hand, and every time sparky emerged clear and alive and moving, the coach gasped softly.

i just lay there with my belly exposed and took it all in: there is her cerebellum. all four chambers of her heart, which is pulsing steadily at 148 beats per minute. her ribs. her kidneys. toes and fingers. humerus. femur. that’s my daughter in there. all eight ounces of her.

afterward, we stood in the parking lot dumbfounded. the coach had to go to work, and h and i had an appt w/ our loan officer. and yet we couldn’t move. we made a little circle, huddled together, staring at the photographic evidence of what we just witnessed. look what we created, i said finally. all three of us.

i have never felt so much love flowing between four human beings. sparky radiated heat through my belly and i knew in that moment that my whole life has built up to now. every broken moment–every grief and fear–was redeemed in a parking lot, and i am beginning to understand what pure joy is.

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well, friends, the final vote is in: 51% internal american, 49% external american.

who is right?

(it’s a girl.)

photos and a story are forthcoming. right now, i’m simply exhausted after such an amazing, breathless moment.

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last chance!

…to get your vote on.  bits appt is in 2 hours. voting is enabled on the sidebar.  is sparky an internal or external american?

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alright, folks. time to get in touch with your vibes. the bits-revealing ultrasound is scheduled for monday morning, and i’m very interested in your thoughts. what sort of sparky do you think i’m carrying?

a bit of info:

heartrate consistently slow (120s-130s)
we inseminated the morning before i ovulated
chinese calendar says girl
a mystic friend of mine swears sparky is a girl.

what say you? voting is enabled on the sidebar!

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