Archive for June, 2008

so much to say.

i have so many posts buzzing around in my head–not the least of which is the afterbirth story, which i’m not quite in the headspace to write–but time away from being the boob is precious and scarce, so i will have to spit them out as i get little breaks.

right now, my girls are sleeping soundly next to me, and i am sipping a much needed cup of coffee. the day of my last post was especially rough in the crying jags department, but i have rallied. that was the day we decided we were completely through with trying to inspire jude to eat when she clearly didn’t want to. providentially, it was also the day i received this very encouraging comment from irina:

I don’t like giving advice when it isn’t asked for, but I will share with you my own early motherhood/nursing experience, because it sounds similar to yours.

Sophie was an awesome sleeper and I had to wake her to make her eat. More often than not, I would wake up in the middle of the night convinced that she had starved to death because she’d missed a feeding, only to find her blissfully snoring away.

Until we had our first pediatric exam. And my doctor pointed out that many babies don’t sleep very much at all. And that I should feel blessed that I can get a five or more hour stretch of uninterrupted rest at this early stage.

I found that if I left her alone, Sophie would eat during the day, every couple of hours, then sleep for five or more hours straight, which eased into eight hour stretches by the time I stopped nursing.

It was awesome.

So I just wanted to reassure you that sweet little Jude will let you know when her tummy is empty and that you’re only going to be stronger and more capable if you take advantage of the rest time she is allowing you.

since that day, feedings and sleeping have taken on a new, healthier rhythm in our household. and if i had any fears of starving my child by letting her go longer than *gasp* two hours between feedings, they were alleviated by her official weigh-in on saturday. my little girl gained 1 lb, 2 oz in SIX days. her blissful fattening has been the first notch in my “trust your mommy instincts” belt.

meanwhile, my chubby little girl has now met her nana (h’s mum), and her godmama/aunt e (my sister). needless to say, both nana and aunt e are completely in love, and are ridiculously proud of us for somehow bringing such a perfect being into existence…for their pleasure.

also of note, with my sister’s one day visit yesterday, i stayed up. no naps. and no lying in bed. i was actually really up, sitting somewhat on my ass (or hip). and for the first time, i was able to nurse my baby in my arms. we both loved it. she loved it so much that she demanded the boob every hour all afternoon. my stitches and tailbone are only slightly sore after all of that sitting, and even though jude woke me up every 2 hours last night, i feel relatively rested today. glory be.

i sense that i am about to be called back to being the boob, so here are some photos:

unsure about such extravagant bling.
jude not so sure about wearing aunt e’s engagement ring.

mi amor
post-shower snuggle with jude in her perfectly frilly dress

oh, zz top, i lub you.
loving on zz top the zebra, her 2nd favorite thing to stare at. (boob wins.)

stealing nana's heart.
snuggling with nana

…and finally:

debuting the gorgeous onesie made by the lovely owlie and pcat. thank you ladies so much again!


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last night was rough. today has been rough. exhausted. wish i had more words than these, but all extra energy is being expended on keeping above the hormones.

so here are some naked baby photos:

in the palm of her hand.

sun drunk.

someday she'll love me for taking photos like these.

ETA: i am so very much in love with my perfect little girl. we’re just figuring out how to communicate needs to one another. also, i’m glad she doesn’t have teeth.

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one week.

today, my darling girl has been with us for a week. at this time last week, i was dry heaving after my castor oil smoothie, my contractions were coming to closer together, and i was just 6 hours away from giving birth. i had no idea how real my daughter was about to become. oh, but here she is now, growing chubbier every day, and she is my whole life.

here are a few things i’ve learned this week:

1. even if she has just peed, jude will pee again the moment a wipe touches her girl parts. one does not have to be a boy to create an arcing fountain, by the way. her fountain of pee is just lovely.

2. ladies about to give birth, take note: once you are out of the sexy mesh panties and the big ass pads, do not use overnight maxi pads to hold your lochia. no one needs wings near their healing suzy. instead, simply use prefold cloth diapers. they are surprisingly NOT bulky feeling, don’t chafe, and wick away the nastiness really well.

3. our breastfeeding relationship is developing really well. it is now, anyway. we spent the first few days trying really hard to follow the schedule of feeding her every 2 hours. because jude is a deep sleeper, most of the feedings entailed a lot of trying to wake her up. we jostled her, swayed with her, burped her, checked her diaper, stripped her, and resorted to the cold cloth on her skin. and basically, the result was either a very pissed off baby, or a sleepy baby who grazed for a few minutes before falling back to sleep.

ultimately, i think all of these attempts to get her to eat when she wasn’t up for it made for a baby who started eating less. by yesterday, she was a super unhappy camper, who grew angry when approached by the boob at all. i had a meltdown, my breasts ached, and i couldn’t deal anymore. and so we decided to let jude dictate her own schedule during the day, so long as she didn’t go past 3 hours between meals. and wouldn’t you know it? it’s working. she stirs on her own after about 2.5 hours, wakes with a little burping action, and latches perfectly. and mostly, she hangs out on each boob for 15-20 minutes!

last night, we woke her every two hours, spent a few minutes rousing her, and she fed like a champ, which allowed h and i much more effective sleep between feedings.

i SO hope that jude is gaining weight back now. her cheeks are increasingly chipmunk-like, and she’s actually got thighs! and she is so content.

4. sleeping when the baby sleeps = good idea. i napped until noon today when jude wasn’t on the boob, and i am a whole new person. hallelujah.

oh, she’s awakened! time to latch her on!

here is your daily jude:
snuggly afternoon.
smile girl.
i ate my twin.
[yes, this tshirt says “i ate my twin”.]

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money shots.

how dare i be so vain to think you’re reading this blog because you want to see ME?! forgive me. and now, what you came here for:

the decrescendo of a yawn.
that perfect face.
a portrait

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holy jebus. as a girl who has had roll after belly roll since i was 5, i am so effing proud of my post partum belly.

39w2dsix days post partum

(39 weeks, and 6 days post partum.)

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we’ve been a napping little fambly all day thus far. oh the pricelessness. here’s the view from here, as i’ve finally gotten out MY camera!

what i found upon returning to bed from a nice, hot shower:
mama schmelen snuggling.
(this may be my favorite picture ever.)

smooshy faced mama and sparkstress:

milk drunk baby in black & white:
squishy baby in the crook of my arm.

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it’s a sunny sunday evening here in the bedroom. my eyelids are heavy, but i’ve got a baby to feed in a bit, so i will stay awake by updating.

first of all, wow. we are floored by the amazing support of people around the world caring about the beginning of our little fambly. we have been flooded with wellwishes from wonderful strangers, and we feel so loved and supported. i know that i was carried by the kindness and hope and prayers of all of you. thank you thank you. the internet is such an amazing place sometimes…

our darling jude is emerging from the haze of being born, and every moment, a new wave of intense love crashes over my squishy little heart. i kiss her eyes and nose and baby lips, and i stare. how on earth did this person come through my body into the world? she is such a force of nature, and i cannot wrap my brain around the fact that a sperm and egg, meeting by way of a syringe, came together and created her. wonders never cease.

…i think that the world hasn’t collapsed into utter chaos for no other reason than the wonder overtaking new parents upon the birth of their babies every day.

so our judebug is blinking her blue eyes back at us with something like recognition now. and she snuggles close against my belly, skin to skin, every time i feed her.

my milk came in last night, and she fed constantly all.night.long. it was a rough night. poor h has to be awake with me as i feed the baby, because i still can’t sit on my ass, and have to nurse lying down. h handles the burping, the mid-feed shitsplosions, the fun of helping me flip over to switch breasts. along with the joy of nearly engorged breasts, the swelling around my many stitches disappeared last night, leaving me fully feeling the aftermath of jude’s fast birth for the first time. sitting down to pee was a nightmare that left me in cold sweats, and stupid ibuprofen sucked ass.

oh, but morning finally came, and jude was milk drunk and content. i caved and took half a hydrocodone, and order was restored with my ability to rest and heal.

midwife michele came over to check jude’s progress as a newborn, and the report was mostly great.
at 2 days old, jude had lost 6 oz, and at 4 days, she’s gained back 2 oz. considering my milk just came in last night, we are very pleased with this. her jaundice is not bad, and is already clearing up. she’s got great transitional poo, and clear urine. h has been sunning her twice a day out in the yard, which is helping things along greatly. also, i’m healing well, despite the pain last night. my stitches are dissolving, and my uterus is just where it should be. [now, if i could just poo…that’s another story.]

there are so many stories to tell, and my afterbirth story is one of them, but it’s time to give my girl the boob.

i leave you with this milestone: a few moments ago, i enjoyed my first postpartum whiskey. a half shot of bushmills over ice. after 10 months without my favorite libation, i nearly swooned at the perfect sting on my tongue. joy complete.

OH! and the feared postpartum sagging belly lying next to me in bed has not happened. i’ve clearly got no sixpack, but my muscles are strong, and my skin has begun to snap back already. my belly actually looks better (to me at least) than it did before i got pregnant. or maybe i have a faulty memory. in any case, i am grateful!

after reading this meandering post, i reward you with what you came here for:

dr evil hatches a plan.
doctor evil, much?

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