the girls, they are deflating and fast. i peek down my own top to see pancakes with nipples. and jude, she suckles back and forth and back again, with such enthusiasm, only to get what? a sip? a trickle? i can’t tell. she sits back, points at my chest, and signs, with a knit brow, “more. more. more.” but there isn’t any more.
Archive for July, 2009
so. this is day 2 of my staycation. it’s the time off i reserved for our wedding in iowa, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. of course, neither h nor i are getting cold feet. rather, i had to have a root canal, and that sucked the funds right out of our tiny little bank account. all this to say, surprise! a 5 day staycation, two of which, jude will spend away, with her gabby and pop pop, while h & i do some home improvements. our plans have been thus:
paint the guest room.
paint jude’s room.
replace the library of mass destruction [read: repository for all our shit in boxes, cat hair, and books] with a big, square, safe room for jude.
nothing could thwart our plans for productivity.
but. yesterday, jude started sneezing and being feverish and begging for tylenol. “more!” she’d sign, over and over, while pointing at the bottle of grape-flavored crack-aminofen. she was whiny and clingy, but still well enough to be whiny and clingy at gabby’s house.
and then i woke up in the middle of the night last night with a sore throat of doom. i made an early morning loogie, only to find yellow nastiness staring back at me. fail.
so. jude and i have been “meh” partners all day. we’ve watched pooh over and over. we’ve shared butterscotch pudding. she’s tried to fish cough drops out of my mouth with a giggle. we’ve read goodnight gorilla a bazillion times. she is sleeping at the moment, engaging in that fabled third nap i’ve heard parents speak of in hushed tones from time to time.
here’s one of the day’s highlights:
do excuse the tylenol-stained tshirt. i won’t tell you that she’s been wearing it for longer than 24 hours now.
yesterday, you went and turned 13 months. one year old, i was prepared for, mostly. thirteen months? not so much. silly of me to think i could hold you still for a little while, and revel in your one-yearness. already, you are
sprinting toddling forward toward becoming a full-fledged kid.
mostly, you are a kid. you run around and dance in circles and clap your hands and giggle at funny things and play with everything your hands can reach. but then you get sleepy, and you want to nurse, and your face becomes a baby’s face. you still try to suckle my chin–or other exposed flesh–and then you fall asleep at my breast, sighing like a baby.
i know these days are numbered…probably in the double digits now. i’m holding them, like i’m holding you, a treasure. where your treasure is, there your heart will be also, i read in the bible so many times when i was younger. i understand what that passage means now.
this month, your language skills have taken off. your first–and favorite sign–is “more”. not content with the ASL sign for “more”, you say it your own way: with a finger pointed determinedly at your opposite hand’s palm. you can sign the sentence “more milk”, which is impressive to me. concise and direct. no need for an editor. good work, communicator.
other signs include: bird, up, milk milk milk milk up more milk up. and then, like pooh, it’s a finger to the temple and “think think think”.
it’s a little surreal to finally have a two way word communication with you. between your burgeoning signs and words (such as fffffffan, hey!, kkkkkki [kitty] ahm [elmo], and mama), your inquisitive mothers get to peek into your mind a bit. i told mama h the other day that you are beginning to narrate your own story. i am flabbergasted by humans’ innate ability to contextualize consciousness into story. but here you are, doing it. furthermore, you are learning that symbols represent abstractions. when and how did your amazing brain make such a leap?
you are waking up, darling. no longer do you stare in confusion and entertainment at the baby in the mirror. just last night, you held a hairbrush in your hand as you watched yourself. instead of offering the brush to your reflection, you used the mirror to help you find and brush your own hair.
alright my love, i could write forever. i could tell you so many stories of how much you love–and beg for, and nearly choke on, for all the hoarding in your mouth–cheese. i could spend thousands of adjectives detailing your delightfulness. but i will spare you the sap. you have a whole lifetime to discover just how sappy i can be. congratulations.
i love you,
pee ess you are totally worth the rugburn i am sporting on both knees from chasing you around the big bed.
nekked dachshund lover (with a shout out to the family o)
this amazing shot was taken by our dear friend m last weekend, and clearly illustrates my daughter’s can-do attitude when she wants to nurse. any bit of exposed flesh will do.
- we have taken alllll your amazing words to heart, re: kid 2.0, and may have reached a verdict. thank you for participating so graciously in such weighty decisions. you are all my favorites.
- we’ve both been peeing on ovulation sticks, to keep track of our cycles. we even share the same pee cup. (ah, intimacy.) the other day, h got a very positive opk, and a little while later, i tested, and got a near positive. two hours after that, however, i started bleeding, at which point i asked h if she’d rinsed the pee cup after testing positive. she blushed and shook her head no. yes, friends, i tested positive for h’s ovulation. and then promptly started my period…14 days after i’d started my last period. (a 2nd opk with only one line proved this.)
- did i mention that the shared pee cup is an empty prozac bottle?
- in other news, my toddler defies logic by continuing to get cuter, every single day. and curls? my former baldy gots curls!
the other morning, h and i were snuggling in bed, all intertwined limbs and post lovin’ smiles, when the weirdest thing happened. we heard a *scritch scritch scritch* on our (upstairs) bedroom window, and glanced over in time to see two sparrows perched precariously on the screen, copulating.
their brazen lewd act only lasted a moment (poor girl bird), but they both stared right at us as they were going at it.
“holy hell, are our pheromones that strong?” h said.
“it’s a sign!” i said
“you’re gonna blog this, right?” she said.
“oh yes,” i said.
we’ve hit a good stride in our home recently, with a toddler on a predictable-ish schedule, who is happy and growing and adored. h loves being the homemaker (in every sense of the word) mama, and i’m plugging along at work, hoping to move onward and upward. in a word, we are content.
and yet, we are in more and more serious talks about another baby. soon. well, realistically, it may not be soon. we could start trying tomorrow, and maybe we’ll have a harder time getting pregnant. but. we could (heh) conceivably have a child within a year. a whole new life. a whole new member of the fambly. are we up for this?
my uterus is going to sit this round out. h is ready to try, i.e. the subtle tick tock is crescendoing into jungle drums. familiar much? uncle g is onboard for another round. i can hear his parents squealing at the prospect of more grandchildren to spoil. it feels like we’re revving up toward ttc again…
are we insane to be considering the possibility of two kids in diapers? probably. does that mean we should wait until jude is a little older to try for another? i don’t know. it didn’t make sense for me to get pregnant when i did, and yet, here is jude. everything is in its right place.
midwife michele reminded us recently that there is never an ideal time to grow a fambly, and that if the world waited for it, we humans be an extinct species. she is probably right. (she may be trying to drum up repeat business, however…)
i waffle back and forth between these three thoughts:
we are messing with a perfect family dynamic.
the family dynamic will only become more perfect with any additional kiddos.
we don’t want jude to be alone, should anything happen to us.
i realize this entry is disjointed. sorry for that. but. i would love to hear your thoughts on:
a. deciding to have just one child
b. having kids close together vs
c. waiting to have more children
in the meantime, it’s so very inappropriate, but equally funny. may i present, babies havin’ babies….