Archive for the ‘first trimester’ Category


i really, really want to get back into the habit of writing regularly here. there are so many stories to tell, as always. but aside from my busted ass and continued morning sickness, i’m in the land of sinus infections again. motivation to string words together is loooow. motivation for sleep is high!

so here’s a pic of me today, 11w5d pregnant, and way thinner than my last photo, not even 3 weeks ago. sheesh. ambivalent about that.


how are you all doing?

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short story.

today was midwife appt day, and a biggie at that. today was ziggy: first contact day, ie first time hearing z’s heartbeat.

at 10.5 weeks, my uterus is measuring 11 cm. stellar blood pressure. pulse was normal. i’ve lost 5 lbs in the past month.

anyway, as i was saying, today was all about the heartbeat. uncle g even came along, and ended up being jude-wrangler. so. i gingerly lay on my back with the least pressure on my tailbone as possible. midwife michele listened with the doppler. nothing. more goop. nothing. a different doppler. still nothing. a third doppler. nothing. nothing but my own heartbeat and static that michele calls “the ocean”. everything’s fine, she said. maybe you’re not as far along as you think, she said. maybe you ovulated later. she was doing her best calm voice, the same one i remember her using right before she tore my perineum to get jude out.

she ran through other scenarios as she continued to press the doppler all over my belly and pubic area. my uterus hasn’t likely fallen forward yet. maybe the fall made it tip back a bit more. she could hear the placenta. perhaps ziggy was hiding behind. maybe we should order an hcg test. or maybe we could have an earlier ultrasound. are you worried? i asked, trying not to sound worried myself in front of jude, who was asking for “more” every time the doppler stopped making noise. i’m not worried, she said. then she told me to get on my hands and knees for a bit, to push my uterus, and ziggy, forward.

michele put the doppler underneath me and tried again, as i remained in that position, propped up on pillows, to no avail. she then asked me to roll over on my back quickly, so she could give it one last shot, with ziggy most likely out front. and then there it was. not the charging locomotive of jude’s heartbeat, but a quiet, shy, rapid swishswishswish of a beat. 156 bpm. ziggy. alive. we all cried. jude asked for more. more baby. more baby.


also of note: new midwife meg asked if i’d felt any movement yet. i’m not even 11 weeks, so i was hesitant to say i had. but i have felt bubbles, much like i remember with jude, light and airy and rhythmic. she smiled and said i really am likely feeling ziggy. and when she pushed down hard on the top of my uterus to get a measurement, she felt the jump of a wee fetus herself. so not only is ziggy alive, with a strong heartbeat, z is also quite the mover.

in other news, i found the bruise from my fall. it took awhile to discover, as it is located in a place i don’t usually think to observe. and here comes tmi: when h saw it, she said, “you have a black asshole!” and tomorrow, it will likely be green. my tailbone? i’m pretty confident it’s broken indeed.

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good lord, my belly is expanding at an alarming rate. here is proof:


here i am, 9 weeks pregnant with jude. same outfit. same weight:

eesh. i’m not sure how i feel about showing so much so soon. last time, i loved having a big, hard, round belly. however, right now, i’m just a jelly-bellied girl, who feels like she’s been drinking too many beers. on the other hand, i’m grateful to have such reassurance that ziggy is in there, healthy and growing. so, basically, i’m going to stop whining, and take a nap.

happy sunday!

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ugh and such.

wow, it’s been awhile. how are you all?

me? it’s been more of the same. as it turns out, i had a sinus infection for awhile, and the pressure in my head, behind my ears especially, made my nausea hella worse. after a week on antibiotics, i am, on the morning sickness scale (which, you may remember goes from one to pregnant-with-jude), about a solid 7. i’ve only missed one day of work, and i am able to push past the funk and be a productive chicken every day.

thanks be to God.

i really must take a belly shot soon. because my bump is pushing forward with much enthusiasm. my clothes fit funkily, and i’m wearing even baggier hoodies and comfy pants than usual. i am frumplestiltskin. also, have i mentioned that i haven’t had a haircut since AUGUST? unacceptable. time for some sassy maternity wear (target, don’t fail me now) and an effing haircut already. i feel like a modest, but nice house that has gone to shit. my theory is that i’ll feel less nauseated with a proverbial fresh coat.

let’s see, what else is happening in my little world of pregnancy and toddlerhood?

two weeks from tomorrow, we’ll get to hear ziggy’s heartbeat for the first time. also, i scheduled a 12 week ultrasound on 8 march. i’m still not convinced there is only one ziggy in my belly. it’ll be such a relief to simply know.

i am getting boy vibes from this baby. not as strong as jude’s girl-vibes were, but definitely present. i’m not committing to anything here, but if i give birth to a boy, i won’t be surprised. that’s all.

my judechild is still calling me daddy. sometimes h gets it, and uncle g as well. but mostly me. some of you asked in the comments of my last post whether i’m okay with that. the answer? totally okay. it’s hilarious to me. we’ve never introduced the word daddy to her vocabulary, so it is something she has picked up for herself. i’m not sure if it has anything to do with the lack of someone named daddy in our home, or if it’s just a term she likes. in any case, it’s damn cute.

incidentally, my official name is ‘mommy’, and sometimes she’ll say it when prompted. that’s the thing: she usually has to be prompted to call h and me by any name whatsoever. until she started calling me daddy, she didn’t address me at all. she usually gets my attention by suddenly appearing in my lap, between my legs, or by grabbing my boobs. so. being called by any name at all is a delicious sort of experience.

so that’s all really. i apologize if you’re bored by this post. i want to tell you stories, but all i’ve got are sporadic sentences. maybe trimester two. in the meantime, keep your eyes peeled for a belly shot, or maybe even a grainy video soon.

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seven weeks

at seven weeks pregnant, i am already beginning to show. my bump is way higher than the expanse of my uterus, which is weird. and the protrusion has lots of people at work asking me weird questions, like whether i can feel the baby kick yet. though i want to answer, “um, the baby isn’t really even moving yet, and even if s/he were, i wouldn’t feel it, on account of the baby being approximately half an inch long, crown to rump,” instead i simply reply, “nope, too early. won’t feel anything for awhile.”

one coworker recently asked how far along i was, and when i said six weeks, he said “six months? won’t be long then!”

damn peoples. way to give a girl a complex already.

i’m NOT big. i’ve just got a squishy looking bumpish thing that peeks through my shirt.

in other news, nausea has taken over my life like a motherfucker. on a scale from 1 to pregnant-with-jude, i have arrived at pregnant-with-jude. cravings have all but subsided, and i am basically enduring meals. chocolate, however, is still awesome. as is twinings decaf english breakfast tea, with just a splash of milk.

except for the nausea, the experience of this pregnancy has been so much different than with jude. by this time last pregnancy, i’d already had two ultrasounds, for instance. this time, we will likely not have one until 20 weeks. i never even had a beta. as midwife m advised when i asked about a beta, “you peed on some sticks, your uterus is clearly growing: you’re pregnant.” and i must admit, everything feels a whole lot simpler, less dramatic, this way.

speaking of the growth of my uterus, we may opt for the 12 week ultrasound. [by the way, herein lies our paranoia.] we’ve been doing the ring test to see whether ziggy is a boy or girl. with jude, that dangling ring swung around in circles as if possessed. with zig, it swings back and forth for awhile, and then starts circling. every time we try. we raise our eyebrows and ask, gender confusion? intersex? twins? wait. TWINS?

at our first midwife appt, 5 1/2 weeks pregnant, the apprentice measured my uterus at NINE CENTIMETERS. (for readers who are not familiar with uterus growth, it should correlate in centimeters how many weeks you are pregnant.) i panicked. michele measured again. and again. and finally settled on a wobbly-at-best measurement of 6-7.

if there are indeed TWO ziggies in my belly, i’d like to know about them much sooner than 20 weeks. hence: 12 week ultrasound. i confess to feeling panicky at the thought of twins, and not so much about the two for one special, but the reality that i would likely have a hospital birth that would end in a c-section. i could accept that, yes. but it would take awhile.


i really do think this is a single ziggy.

jude is having a late afternoon nap at the moment. i think i shall join her. big x

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greetings from the outpost of 6-weeks-pregnant land.  i’m a bit sluggish today, vaguely nauseous, and actually satiated in the gyro dept.  last night, h made me a fabulous (boil in bag!) indian meal.  some sort of spicy tomato sauce with paneer, peas, rice, and a pork chop.  sour cream was needed to dial down the hotness.  omg.  it was a religious experience.  the right foods right now make me cry with joy.  so VERY different from last pregnancy.

poor jude is sick. we’re in the thick of cedar fever here, and she’s been congested for over a week now. yesterday, she woke up with a fever and snot so thick that she handed it to me. infection had set in. she’s on the mend, thanks to antibiotics and her faithful vaporizer, and is currently 20 minutes into her second nap of the day…after being awake for two hours after her last nap. and that nap? lasted four hours.

she is 19 months old now. and i have a letter in my head, ready to write. and i will write it soon, too. i’m just so sleeeeepy.

as we read a book before this most recent nap (los pollitos dicen), jude pointed at a cow and said “booooo”. she’s never made a cow sound before, and i’m not sure if that’s her first approximation of “moooo” or if it’s the congestion. i asked her what kind of animal it was, and she answered “dow”.

[unkempt hair. refuses clips.]

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belly shot, take 2.

i think i understand why i have felt like such utter shit this week. over the past 24 hours, my belly grew. it’s hard and tighter than it’s ever been, and the part above my belly button is stretching. it’s so strange to feel this shift, this growth, happening in real time. and consequently, a new woe:

old and busted: constant nausea blah blah blah
new hotness: pressure on sciatic nerve causing left leg to fall asleep no matter what position i take while lying down.
i had a wonderful night’s sleep last night, incidentally. all hour of it.

without further ado, here is the comparison of 11w1d and 11w5d. do you see it? do you see the growth?

and suddenly

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two things.

i’m back at work today, so my capacity for forming coherent sentences is limited. but i had to make mention of 2 things.

1. i broke up w/ my doctor today! all that’s left of the relationship is my signing of the release form so they can fax my records to michele. awesome. FINALLY. (the insurance insanity was finally resolved yesterday.

2. i had a big salad at 2 am last night. had another salad for lunch. no longer constipated for the timebeing. glory be. i wanted to kneel and give thanks in the bathroom.

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my arse!

anyone have a surefire remedy for pregnancy constipation?  seriously.  i’m pooing like twice a week.  no me gusta.  high fiber foods don’t seem to  help much.  even the ethiopian food extravaganza didn’t help.

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i forgot to take a belly shot last week…but 11 weeks looks a lot like 9 weeks in my opinion. here is today’s shot (with special guest appearance by sal the cat) :


the only difference i see is perhaps the bump is higher…? (h says i just look thinner.) my belly shot gallery is here.

[note: clean the mirror. soon.]

no vomiting today, just a lot of weakness and nausea. i’ve spent most of my day sleeping. here’s hoping that tomorrow brings more strength.

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