for your friday, jude’s favorite song of the moment:
Archive for July, 2010
i’ve never mentioned my position on circumcision here on the blog because i’ve never really had one. i grew up assuming that if i ever had a boychild, i’d automatically have him circumcised. because this is america and that’s what we do. honestly, though, like most non-parent women who have no interest in penises, i never really thought about it beyond my vague assumptions.
when i was pregnant with jude–before officially finding out that she was a girl–h and i threw around the subject a bit, but we were so sure i was having a girl that we never delved into what our actual decision would be.
so. cut (
no pun intended) to a few months ago, when we learned we were really very much going to have a boy with a penis for a son. we had to make a proper decision about whether to snip or not to snip.
that decision was remarkably easy to come to: no snip.
our reasons are simple: most of the non-american men in our life aren’t circumcised, and not one of them has ever dealt with hygiene issues. and they’re all fond of their foreskins. and most of the wee boys in our world aren’t circumcised either. the arguments of “he’ll be different from all the other boys/he should look like his daddy” are simply irrelevant in our world. circumcision, in our minds, would be a purely cosmetic surgery. and from that perspective, who are we to mess with our son’s business?
i realize that circumcision is a divisive issue for a lot of people, especially on the internet, and it’s easy for conversations to devolve into hostile rants. we refuse to engage that. penises can find themselves in all kinds of trouble, with or without a foreskin. no one is ever going to win the war(skin).
for the record, neither h nor i harbor any judgment toward parents who choose to circumcise their sons. our choice isn’t THE choice. but we are at peace with it.
i’m happy to continue the conversation if any of you would like, without any of the aforementioned hostility of course : )
(not that i think any of my readers would be hostile. just laying the one ground rule.)
a brief synopsis of today’s ultrasound: mister zig weighs about 5 (FIVE!) pounds, is measuring a week ahead in size (today is 32w4d), and is expected to be an 8-9 pounder like his sister. he remains head down. (stay boy, stay!)
everything looks perfect, save for his left kidney, which is measuring 9ish mm today. (10mm is the magic number when normal becomes abnormal.) so. another ultrasound is scheduled for 37 weeks.
we actually saw the dr today. my midwife delivered his baby at home. for this reason alone, i like him. he doesn’t seem to be doctor intervention-irrational-freakout man. he is not worried about zig at this point; he really thinks everything will be okay in the end. he doubts surgery will be necessary, but wants to stay on top of it all just the same.
and so, for now, i’m just trying to enjoy the sneak peeks of my son, and trying not to dwell on something i cannot at all influence until after he is born.
- so very, very nauseous right now. nothing helps but sleep. every food upsets my belly and causes cramps that feel like labor. the cramps bring on braxton hicks. i hurt. this sucks. and is totally normal.
- but sunday was a relief sort of day. we ventured over to new friends’ house for a playdate. we met c&s through a mutual friend in april. c gave birth to a wee baby boy last month–little brother to nearly 3 year old big sister, v. on sunday, jude and v played and played together, independent of us, in a whole other room even. and it was interactive play, not just the parallel sort. it was a wonder to behold for both sets of parents. a first. and so excellent. grownups got to talk like grownups for long, uninterrupted segments of time. we are all kinds of excited about this developmental milestone.
- still haven’t forgotten the posts i want to write. i anticipate the headspace and timespace to write them this week.
- a video of sweet j this morning. watching super why, and eating breakfast. peep those brows when she realizes i’m recording her. and also, peep the need to demonstrate her water-drinking abilities: “watch jude.”
et tu, hemorrhoids?
third trimester is ass. pun intended.
so my week has turned unexpectedly bizzzzzy. like, all hands on deck work busy. not sure when/if i will find time to properly post all those interesting topics brought up last week.
in the meantime, think nausea-free thoughts for me, as i have been pretty miserable over the past couple of days. maine root ginger brew is my current silver bullet expectation. here’s hoping it delivers. because this pukeyness is total bullshit.
happy tuesday. over and out.
so, the other topic of interest brought up in the comments was about how we’re preparing jude for being a big sister.
i’ve talked a bit about the ongoing conversations here from time to time, but basically, it all goes like this:
every day, we discuss the baby. conversations usually begin after jude once again attempts to body slam my big belly, and i have to remind her to be gentle with mommy, because of the…? beebee, she says. yes! the baby! perfect icebreaker, right?
she loves to blow raspberries on my belly, to say hello to the beebee by speaking loudly into my belly button, and she’s now graduated to offering the beebee “big hugs” as well.
we ask jude if she is a baby. she usually says no, and backs it up with an emphatic head shake: she is a big kid. did she used to be a baby? yes, she concedes, she once was a baby. and so i bring up the topic of breastfeeding: how mommy used to nurse jude, but she’s a big kid now who drinks milk from a cup. sometimes she wants to check out the old restaurant, as it were. she asks to nurse. i remind her that i do not currently have milk (which isn’t entirely true; it’s colostrum time, folks!), and won’t till the baby comes. she understands, but pushes: try, mommy? jude try? so i let her try. and she doesn’t remember how to do it. (whew.) on most days, she’ll give up her attempt to nurse ask for a cup of milk. two days ago, however, she kind of lost her shit.
i gave her an ice cold cup o milk, and she threw it at me. and then she smacked me. then kicked me. then screamed, threw some toys and ran out of the room in what can only be described as a tizzy. i gave her a few minutes to calm down before approaching her. i asked, jude, are you angry? she nodded yes. i asked, are you angry because mommy doesn’t have any milk, and when she does again, it’ll be for the baby? yesh, she said out loud. then she broke eye contact from me and looked at my belly. sorry bebe, she said. big hug? and she gave my belly a big hug.
i was momentarily surprised that she was mad at the baby, and not me, but i also realized that she understands there is a person inside me with whom she can be angry. that makes me think she’s really getting it, as much as she can.
for the next half hour or so, jude pretended to be a baby, which she has never really done before. she developed a pretend baby cry; a perfect whah, whah. h and i shrugged our shoulders and played along. we asked aloud what we could do to comfort the baby, and she supplied us with several suggestions. we took turns cradling her like a newborn, burping her, singing to her, etc.
then her gabby and pop pop arrived at our house, and the game was over. she was jude the big kid again. she hasn’t reverted since.
so yeah, that is where we are with prepping jude for big sisterhood. we’re talking talking talking all the time, and letting jude do what she needs to do to communicate and cope with all this change.
[translation: we’re winging it. and wondering how she’ll actually be when ziggy is actually born.]