Archive for December, 2009

18 months.

dear jude,

you are 18 months old now. you really are. and the only echoes of babydom left are your half asleep whiny cries from your crib, when you wake up disoriented or dirty or sad. sometimes, i nearly experience a sensory memory of your smaller self when i nurse you to sleep. but like a sneeze that won’t quite come, you obliterate the baby thoughts by pointing to my nose, and then to yours. or you stop nursing, furrow your eyebrows, and say with perfect diction and no apparent reason, “oh no”.

you talk a lot now, words and words all day long, but when your pediatrician (who needs a nickname; i shall call her dr whirlwind, as she is one) asks how many words you have, i go positively blank. seriously. yesterday, at your 18 month appt, dr whirlwind asked us, in order to chart your development, how many words you speak. your mama and i looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and said, “um, i dunno. five?” the dr hesitated a moment, and replied in an exasperated tone, “we’re lookin’ for 5-10 here. think she’s got that many?” and i’m all, “yes, definitely. i’d even say 15.” (i hope you will interpret this last sentence as my confidence in your abilities, more than my need for you to be above average in all things…not just height.)

for posterity, let me try to catalogue your current vocabulary:

yeah! or.. yayayayay!
moe! [can mean our dog, moe. or mole. or more. or mama. or mommy. you play with the word intentionally that way.]
keeeeeeey! (kitty)
oh no!
oh me. (oh man, a la swiper)
doh (dora)
awwwww duh! (all done)
a-ta (thank you, or the generic response to our request for you to say the word x)
ha (hot)
cha (charley the dog)
woh (water)
cay (crayon)
sta! (star)
guh! (uncle g)

these are the words you still sign instead of speak:


and these are the words you sign and speak interchangeably:


see? way more than 10 words.

words are your drugs right now, jude. you can’t get enough. you point endlessly and in every direction, asking “da?!” (another word!) and the wordsmith in me couldn’t be more pleased. you’re not only cataloguing a vocabulary; you’re playing with words. when we read books to you, you point back and forth to the bowl full of mush and the quiet old lady whispering hush. and you smile. you are beginning to understand rhyme.

you are also very interested in mammalian anatomy. you inspect every inch of our faces, our appendages, our hair, our moles. (and you point to moe: moe! and then a mole on my belly: moe!) you inspect your own body. you inspect the poor dogs’ bodies. you especially love tails and teeth.

you hide now. when you are shy, you cover your face with your hands, and disappear, obviously. you pull this superhuman trick when you do something you’re not supposed to. eg today: you opened the pantry door (a no-no of epic proportions, and something you are usually unable to do) and then stood in front of it, hiding beneath your hands. your mama and i giggled, as we imagined your alibi. “seriously moms, i wasn’t even there at the time.”

you love to hide under your towel after a bath, too. you stand in the middle of the hall, a toddler-sized lump under terry cloth, stock still. i call out, “where are you, jude? are you in your room? in the laundry room?” etc. and after every question, you answer quietly from underneath the towel, “no”. you simply can’t resist not answering a question to which you know the answer.

wow, this letter is getting wordy. i could go on and on, because you are 34 pounds (and 35 inches) of fun, my girl.

tomorrow is christmas eve. you have NO idea what you’re in for. here’s a hint: a big toddler playground thing with a slide. i’m not even kidding. sssh. don’t tell.

i love you so.


recuperating from strep in big yellow gloves:
downside of big yellow gloves.

future proctologist

tiny dancer:
tiny dancer.

asleep in the high chair (we should have known strep was coming)
can't stay awake.

little miss independent

in the middle of saying “cheeeese!”
cheese face.


first time in a wagon, at nana’s:
first time in a wagon

Read Full Post »


the plague appears to have lifted from our home. j is eating enough for two toddlers, and though h succumbed to strep as well, she’s recovering too. it never did manifest itself in me, knock wood. that’s all i gots in the way of updates in the moment, but more is to come shortly. after all, jude is a whole year and a half old today.

happy friday. whee!

Read Full Post »


i really haven’t meant to be away for so long. i had a post in my head about getting used to jude’s new “i don’t sleep through the night anymore, and really need a mama to hold me and not ever put me in my bed” routine. i was going to talk about my theories of this new night time clinginess: language explosion, the continuing molar derby, expanded boundaries about where she is allowed to be alone in the house, etc.

and then she got a 103.5 degree temperature – yeah, that’s what it was an hour after tylenol.

we took her to the doc yesterday morning. strep. she’s on antibiotics, which we have to force down her gullet, with the horribly cunning use of arm restraint, and blowing air in her face to force her to swallow.

she will not eat. only wants to nurse, and not that much. she does not want to drink anything. she will only sleep for small intervals when attached to a mother.

(and i’m ignoring the fact that my throat is beginning to burn as well.)

tips for a streppy baby, internet? i needs them.

refused: pedialyte (frozen and un), water, milk (intermittently), juice, lukewarm chamomile tea, jello, all solids, including CHEESE!

Read Full Post »


still finding my way back to a more stable, confident place, but feel like writing about it all will re-poison the waters right now. so. instead of words, here are some cell phone jammy photos of j in the morning. enjoy!

new dog! jammies:

last year’s dollar store “thunder storm jammies”:

[saying “cheeeeeeese!”]

Read Full Post »


please forgive the radio silence around these parts. busy, sleep deprived, fighting the ick, and today? well, let’s just say that today falls under the category of Humiliating Professional Experience, and may or may not include an instance of walking out on an important interview.

so, there’s that.

i’m curled up in my bed for now. proper sick day. the furnace is working hard, as winter has actually descended upon austin, and i’m under many layers of blankets. h is vacuuming downstairs, while wearing jude in a backpack and listening to the flaming lips’ yoshimi.

i can’t stop with the weeping. the verdict is still out on whether or not i’m pregnant with a little virgo bean, but i’m guessing it’s a no this month. 12dpo test is negative. i am pms incarnate. the temp dip should happen by the weekend. i compartmentalize my hopes and fears about pregnancy 2.0, and mostly feel fine with whatever happens, but today, the preemptive grief is very much present in my weepy, humiliated little heart. and i’m not sure which way is up.

i’m going to close my eyes for awhile.

[end sad post.]

Read Full Post »