belly shot, take 2.

i think i understand why i have felt like such utter shit this week. over the past 24 hours, my belly grew. it’s hard and tighter than it’s ever been, and the part above my belly button is stretching. it’s so strange to feel this shift, this growth, happening in real time. and consequently, a new woe:

old and busted: constant nausea blah blah blah
new hotness: pressure on sciatic nerve causing left leg to fall asleep no matter what position i take while lying down.
i had a wonderful night’s sleep last night, incidentally. all hour of it.

without further ado, here is the comparison of 11w1d and 11w5d. do you see it? do you see the growth?

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favorite search engine terms.

over the past 24 hours:

“rock on, sparky!”

buried money

lefthanded lesbians

pregnant cat chart

care to share your favorites, dear readers?

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two things.

i’m back at work today, so my capacity for forming coherent sentences is limited. but i had to make mention of 2 things.

1. i broke up w/ my doctor today! all that’s left of the relationship is my signing of the release form so they can fax my records to michele. awesome. FINALLY. (the insurance insanity was finally resolved yesterday.

2. i had a big salad at 2 am last night. had another salad for lunch. no longer constipated for the timebeing. glory be. i wanted to kneel and give thanks in the bathroom.

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my arse!

anyone have a surefire remedy for pregnancy constipation?  seriously.  i’m pooing like twice a week.  no me gusta.  high fiber foods don’t seem to  help much.  even the ethiopian food extravaganza didn’t help.

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11w1d.

i forgot to take a belly shot last week…but 11 weeks looks a lot like 9 weeks in my opinion. here is today’s shot (with special guest appearance by sal the cat) :

the only difference i see is perhaps the bump is higher…? (h says i just look thinner.) my belly shot gallery is here.

[note: clean the mirror. soon.]

no vomiting today, just a lot of weakness and nausea. i’ve spent most of my day sleeping. here’s hoping that tomorrow brings more strength.

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i thought i was safe.

quick thanksgiving update: due to the accidental poisoning of h’s cousin’s dachshund, aunt, uncle & cousin did not attend thanksgiving festivities. (the dachshund is okay.) we had a lovely, quiet day, and i was able to eat just about everything, including 2 pieces of my beloved pumpkin pie. yum. no pregnancy drama whatsoever. h’s brother’s wife is very excited about sparky, and brought me seabands in case i was feeling nauseous. her brother was gone for most of the day, feeding cows. i spent a lot of time on a recliner, watching miracle on 34th street.

friday and saturday were great days, morning sickness-speaking. i didn’t take the z.ofr.an, and i still had energy and felt comparatively good. i ate meals. yesterday, i even woke up with a craving for ethiopian food (which, incidentally, i’d never had), and so we found a restaurant and enjoyed the spread heartily. mmmmm. last night, i followed my random craving to toxic hell, and had a couple tacos. and they were tasty too. i was so proud of myself.

and so it came as a surprise to me when i woke up at 6 am today, hungry-nauseous. i made some toast, had a glass of orange juice, and curled up on the couch to watch early morning tv. then came the vomit. i puked and puked and ohmygod, ow my gut and throat. i fell back asleep until 2pm, when i realized i’d left the dogs out in the muddy, rainy backyard for hours. i gave two of them emergency baths, and five minutes later vomited a whole bottle of water.

so now, it’s back to bed. h brought me a z.ofr.an and some toast. i’m sipping a rootbeer. here’s to no more puking.

…i’m pretty sure this is pregnancy-related vomiting. i don’t feel flu-sick or food-poisoned. i just feel weak and pregnant. and weepy. we can’t forget weepy.

i am 11 weeks along today. here’s to the promised land of trimester two just around the corner. please?

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thankfulness and trepidation.

once again, i’ve been completely remiss in my entries, and once again it’s because there is not a lot to say.

i am exhausted. many nightmares and daymares lately of sparky being dead. i’ve had no signs of miscarriage, and i’ll get to the nausea in a moment, but this fear of losing sparky now overcomes me when i least expect it. and then other times i am calm. calm and sure. i need to hear the heartbeat. how did pregnant mothers survive the fear for so many millenia? my guess: they didn’t figure out they were pregnant till they felt the baby move.

anyway. nausea. the z.ofr.an has been a rather unreliable godsend. evening has brought relief recently, and i’m so grateful for it. on sunday night, we had dinner at our friend chris’ house. he made a delectable vegetarian spread that he hoped sparky and i would be able to successfully eat: sticky rice, chinese pancake (much like na’an), chinese broccoli in sesame oil, and a curry tofu dish with homegrown basil. oh.my.god. the smells were intoxicating. i was teary-eyed with thankfulness and joy. and everything tasted splendid. no sickness afterward. it was my first successful–ie satisfying–meal since my indian meal on 11/6.

however wonderful the evening relief, my days are still physically and emotionally trying. i’m weak and tired and nauseous. and the wonderdrug may alleviate some of that, but not much. i miss myself. i am really hoping that’s a light i see at the end of this tunnel.

so tomorrow is thanksgiving. i only have the holiday itself off, so there is no real travel for me. we are taking a day trip to tiny, tx to have thanksgiving with h’s mum. at first, it was going to be an intimate affair, but now it has grown to at least 11 people, including her brother, aunt and uncle, and a cousin. (i’ve never met the uncle or cousin.) h has a tacit understanding with her brother and extended family about her sexuality, and they’ve always been gracious toward me. typical small town don’t ask don’t tell politeness. only h’s mum knows we’re pregnant, and h is worried about potential drama if it comes out on thanksgiving. awkward. i’m just going to focus on trying to enjoy turkey and mashed potatoes and my beloved pumpkin pie. and i’ll try to be inconspicuous in my lack of wine-drinking. it should make for an interesting afternoon.

meanwhile: i am so very grateful for my h, and the home we are cultivating. and i am grateful for my child
who is growing and growing. what a life. may we live it well.

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milestones.

1. my beloved midwife called me in a prescription of z*ofr.an yesterday. as far as big guns of antinausea go, it’s the safest on the market, and she’s sworn by it for a long time. at our appointment last week, i was so sick that she offered me one to take home and see if it worked. holy shit. it worked. like a charm. i took one this morning, and i’m able to eat. and sit up. unfortunate: i’m coming down with a cold or flu. fever. stuffiness. burning eyes. not again.

2. as i dragged my non-nauseous, getting sick self out of bed today, i wondered what on earth i would wear. i pulled out my favorite jeans. i wore them 2 weeks ago and it was no big deal. and i weigh less than before i was pregnant, so they’d fit, right? negative. i couldn’t button them. i couldn’t bring the button to the hole. there was a good inch between them. i woke up h to show her. this is the first time in my life that i’ve celebrated jeans no longer fitting. well, maybe i got excited when i was 7.

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belly shot anyone?

not a lot to report today. sick and exhausted. stayed home from work and tried to eat foods that are easier to throw up than, say, eggs.

i did manage to take a belly shot. enjoy. i see no change from last week. do you?

(you can see the growing belly shot set here.)

now i must watch some more mindless television.

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radio silence.

i’m so sorry for the silence here. i haven’t posted because i knew it would be boring. kind of like this post will be. the sick has continued to be really bad, with smells and textures sending me over the edge. last night i had my first actual hurl of the dinner, and i cannot express just how tired i am of forcing myself to eat. something. anything. i’m about halfway through week 10 (9w2d), and i am hoping against hope that relief comes soon.

i want to love being pregnant. and i am so excited to meet sparky. but right now, pregnancy has completely stolen my life. i feel terrible saying that out loud. but i’m frustrated and sick and hormonal and tired. and these potato chips aren’t fixing anything.

anyway, quick update: my doctor finally faxed the required forms a day after the deadline (which was extended to accommodate her tardiness). of course, the forms were incomplete. so now, i’ve been given a 15 day extension so that she can fix a very easy mistake and fax the forms again. i don’t have the energy to get on their ass again. i really hope they simply follow through.

had my first midwife appt last thursday. i got to stretch out on the big comfy bed. we went over the myriad health questions again, which was boring, and then michele tried to find sparky’s heartbeat with the doppler. unfortunately, we only found my heartbeat. she made no promises that we’d hear it, since i was only 8w4d, but she’s confident we’ll get it at my next appt in december. i’m not worrying about not hearing sparky. i’ve been so sick, i’m not spotting, and my belly is pooching. i’ve got to trust my instincts and believe sparky is okay.
oh, and my uterus is measuring spot on.

that’s all i gots for today. hopefully a more positive, less piqued post will come soon.

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