after a long nap during which sparky kicked me relentlessly (i’d had coffee AND lemonade this morning, just to make sure she was active and willing to give up the money shot), i got up and scanned a few of the less abstract ultrasound photos. enjoy!
sparky is a girl. my daughter. i lay on that table with h and the coach by my side this morning, and watched a miracle on a big flat screen tv. there was my daughter, flailing around, sitting crosslegged one second, and kicking herself in the head the next. she waved her little hands and covered her face. she smacked her placenta around a bit, and she sucked her thumb. h squeezed my hand, and every time sparky emerged clear and alive and moving, the coach gasped softly.
i just lay there with my belly exposed and took it all in: there is her cerebellum. all four chambers of her heart, which is pulsing steadily at 148 beats per minute. her ribs. her kidneys. toes and fingers. humerus. femur. that’s my daughter in there. all eight ounces of her.
afterward, we stood in the parking lot dumbfounded. the coach had to go to work, and h and i had an appt w/ our loan officer. and yet we couldn’t move. we made a little circle, huddled together, staring at the photographic evidence of what we just witnessed. look what we created, i said finally. all three of us.
i have never felt so much love flowing between four human beings. sparky radiated heat through my belly and i knew in that moment that my whole life has built up to now. every broken moment–every grief and fear–was redeemed in a parking lot, and i am beginning to understand what pure joy is.