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Archive for the ‘menstruality’ Category

timing.

so. nine months–to the day–after i gave birth to my daughter, i started to bleed again. a lot.
i haven’t had a normal period since september 2007. i can’t say i’ve missed it. and these cramps? total bullshit.

that’s all.

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hoo boy.

last night? massive cramps. much ibuprofen ensued.
this morning? spotting. either i’m going into labor with a child i don’t remember carrying, or my period is about to be back in full force.

if it is the latter–and, for the record, i’m sure it is–it means that after 15 months, i am an ovulating, menstruating woman once more. and i’m back on the schedule i was on before. wow.

no, i’m not planning to enter the world of ttc once more, but it is not off the table in the future, though it may not be my uterus doing the work. more information as that story develops. right now it’s capital h Hypothetical.

meanwhile, back in the world of existing children, we have hit a wall with jude’s night time routine. basically, we find ourselves in the same plight as oneofhismoms: we don’t want me to nurse jude to sleep every night, and yet it is the only way she will sleep. add to this the further complication of how she refuses to sleep in her bed. we’ve resorted to plopping her down in her crib once she falls asleep. if we’re lucky, she’ll sleep for an hour or so. most nights, however, she wakes up immediately with a wail, and it escalates into hysterics that do.not.stop. excessive crying irritates her already irritated tiny little tear ducts, and the next morning she is puffy and goopy-eyed. nothing soothes her when she wakes up…nothing but the boob.

i know she is teething with a vengeance, her ears are always filled with fluid (though she has no infection currently), and so she generally doesn’t feel well. also, she is on the cusp of crawling, so i am sure she is feeling extra needy as she deals with her ever-growing independence. still, a good night’s sleep does not these issues make.

i’ve mentioned that our current solution is for h to take jude into the other room when she wakes, and they spend the night spooning on a futon, while i get uninterrupted sleep, so that i can function at work. we’ve tried simply cosleeping, but jude figures that my presence means all you can eat milk bar all night long. i don’t sleep, because she roots around all night, and god forbid i turn over with my back to her. she suckles my shoulder blade. and then she wails.

yeah. so. i’m not quite sure how we’re going to get out of this rut. i know that the words “sleep training” are often on our lips, but our followthrough thus far has been shite. and i know that the longer we put it off, the harder it will be. meanwhile, i am also grateful that jude sleeps at all, when i know it could be much worse.

so. ivp, how about you? how did you solve your sleeping baby problems? will i ever get to sleep with my beloved again?

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first, thank you to everyone who left such encouraging comments on my last post. they have bolstered me as i’ve bled with vengeful cramps. i haven’t had a period this intense in a long, long time.

[oh! reminder! must call in clomid prescription…]

anyway, i knew i wasn’t pregnant on h’s birthday, and decided to treat that knowledge as a blessing to be a little more reckless. we had coffee and beer and cigarettes oh my! it was a good day. we played pool at our favorite bar, and even had an irish car bomb at 4pm. good times.

a few minutes into our first pool game, h knew what she wanted to get for her birthday: a new tattoo. she has been talking about this for a long time, wanting a tattoo that binds her to me.

i wear a constellation of stars and a bird on my back. stars have always been the great symbol of my life. they are constancy, like God, like prayer, like heartbeats. in the seasons of my life when i cannot pray, i draw stars on my hands. over and over like a mantra. the star on my left shoulder blade is hope. the one on my right is joy. (h held my hand as i got that one.)

and so, h decided to have a star tattooed over her heart for me. and i decided to have a lodestar–a north star–tattooed on my neck for her. in downtown austin, there are tattoo parlors on every corner. so, we left the bar, walked across the street, and after five minutes of inking, we were done.

here we are:

i am the star on her heart.
lodestar.

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the verdict.

i’m out.

really bad cramps.

temperature dip to just above my coverline.

spotting.

negative test.

so long, hope for a may baby.  hello junebug.

i think i’m okay.  i still had a little hope yesterday, but last night brought the unmistakable cramps.  if nothing else, i know i ovulated this month, which relieved a lot of fear.  i knew this month was funky, and felt as emotionally prepared as i could be. i don’t feel like crying.  i don’t know if i will.

september insems are going to be awkward at best, if i ovulate cd14-15.  my mother is coming to visit.  she arrives 14 days from today.  (maybe the stress of that will delay my ovulation again…) more on her visit later…

it’s my beloved h’s 30th birthday. i am going to put on a pot of strong coffee and deliver breakfast in bed.  she’s snoring beside me at the moment…hopefully, i will be able to rouse her.

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here is my A+ chart, in her entirety:

picture-1.png  (clicky to see, since it didn’t fit within its confines.)

it’s beautiful! i’m proud! but fuuuuuuuck!! my cramps are badbadbad. for you clomidheads out there, did clomid affect your period?

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i started my period on my own after a 43 day cycle. and let me tell you, my uterus is angry.

i cannot tell you how relieved i am not to have to take progesterone this week.  the last time i took it, i was 18, and it so severely fucked with my hormonal balance that i punched a girl. in religion class.

…this history does not bode well for c-c-c-clomid, which begins on wednesday. i’m hoping that i have grown as a person in the last 10 years, and that i will be to handle clomid like a champ. or at least pretend to.

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i talked to dr c’s nurse this morning. not surprisingly, my progesterone levels taken in the blood test last week were very very low. i did not ovulate.

also, today is cd 41. the spotting has stopped.

if i don’t get my period by monday, intervention numero uno will be provera, then c-c-c-clomid.
if i do get my period by monday, i will begin c-c-c-clomid.

and there you have it. PLAN B in full effect.

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novacaine.

today was my big return to the dentist, after a year of putting it off. last year, i had 5 out of 10 cavities filled, as well as a root canal. ew. can you tell who hadn’t been to the dentist in oh say 10 years?

i only had three fillings done today, which is a theoretical cakewalk compared to mister root canal. and yet, no. they couldn’t get me numb. there was much jabbing and digging with the needle. drill. “can you feel that?” YES. more needle.

i finally numbed. and then i bit my lip. argh.

and so now i am surfacing from the heebie-jeebie numbfaced place, and hell if i’m not pouring myself a whiskey and (kosher!) coke. i deserve it.

in other news, i just peed. and i’m spotting! on day 13/14 dpo. for an irregular/long cycled girl, my luteal phase has proven to be pretty kick ass and consistent. this news deserves another drink!

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about that time.

okay. i have a question for all two of you reading me 🙂

i know that a lot of women’s sex drives go up around the big o time. do you experience the same thing right before you start your period as well? i have been dead down in the netherlands all month. now? ff promises it’s about that time, and i am awake with a vengeance. of course, h is down for the count with the flu. sigh.

i just woke up from a nap in which i seduced julie andrews. julie andrews circa the sound of music. no wait. i think she may have been wearing an outfit from thoroughly modern millie. not surprisingly, she played very hard to get. she wanted to teach me how to archive books. tease.

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