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well.

we are officially in the 2ww. so strange to only have to pester the coach once. i know our chances are lower than they could be. i got a +opk saturday afternoon, and my temp was up yesterday. we insemmed about 7:30 am, and after an intimate 20 minutes propped up on the yoga ball, i whisked myself away to a super busy day at work. opk was decidedly negative yesterday evening, and i had mad crampiness all day yesterday.

we did the best we could with the timing we had, and i’m just hoping my little ms eggness is/was holding her own until the swimmers could get to her…

and now back to the busyness at work.

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meh.

last night, the coach stopped by for a delivery and maybe a movie (he brought flash gordon). that plan was thwarted by our sweet, well-meaning, but completely draining neighbor. he is an african refugee. sweet guy. a dancer. big pothead living with an apparent crackhead. this has not been boding well for their roommate relationship. yesterday was big drama. he came over to our house to vent. for a very long time.

meanwhile, i sat there trying not to have a panic attack. since i’ve been back from the funeral, i’ve had to jump into a very busy workplace, and basically just keep my shit together. [note: i am completely off my meds right now.]

and then there is ovulation season. i am excited about making a baby, but even with more calming techniques in effect, it all still stresses me out…especially the constant negative opk part. on cd17. i’m not out of the game, and i’ll probably still ovulate, but damn. it’s hard not to be stressed when you’ve had so many months of not ovulating at all.

our neighbor finally left a little after 11, and the coach did his thing and called it a night. we insemmed with my hips propped in bed, and both fell asleep immediately thereafter.

today i am just exhausted, and trying not to be deflated by yet another opk. had a half degree temp dip this morning; maybe that’s a good thing.

all i want to do is sleep.

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last night, we had a great time at the swim meet. we drove over to the coach’s house to pick up the swimmers, and came home to insem with a little more privacy than before. (usually, the coach sits outside and waits for us to finish before we all play cards.)

i’m fairly certain we’ve started a little early, since i’m still – opk, but the whole experience between h and i was so tender. even with a newly-introduced catheter, it felt the least clinical of all our attempts. we were making love, and making a baby. and we smiled and giggled.

afterward, the coach did come over for a rousing game of canasta. it was a perfect night.

hopefully i’ll get a positive reading tonight or tomorrow morning, and we’ll try again!

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from my other blog.

i posted this over at my other blog.
it sums up the state of things around here lately. [the added bonus for you? i don’t think i’m ovulating. i obviously have a lot of estrogen; i’ve been ferning for about 10 days, but still no + opk. i didn’t get one last month either. calling dr on monday.]

sipping a coffee liqueur concoction that our friend martini joe came up with, after a long uneventful day at work.
h is mowing the yard with the huhduhduh. the dogs are all vying for my attention, somewhat violently throwing themselves against my side as i lie in bed and type.

i am cranky.

i am cranky for mostly trivial reasons. i had a crown replaced last week, after the last one came loose and what used to be food took up residence underneath. and now, the new crown seems to be headed in the same disgusting direction. the result? really sore gums, and shuddering pain when room temperature liquid touches the vicinity. lets not discuss cold liquid.

also. on friday, i spent the better part of an afternoon at the doctor, with my feet in stirrups. no, it was not a gynecological visit. i would have preferred that, actually. in reality, i was bitten by a spider or a mosquito or something. the bite got infected before i even knew i had it, and it turns out that i developed a staph infection. so why the stirrups, you ask?? because this bite happened to be on my very inner thigh, near the unmentionable area. and i had to have it lanced. i won’t even tell you about the 5 cc’s of stuff the doctor extracted for culturing.

and so. now i’m on internal and external antibiotics alike, and i have to keep the area covered in a big, sticky heavy duty bandaid. removing this bandaid is what i like to call painful as a mothereffer. that is the clinical term.

meh.

my crankiness has got me thinking about other issues.
unfortunately, dear readers, some of my issues end up involving you. and i apologize in advance.

issue 1. the telephone.
(those of you who have called me in the past 2 years know where i’m going with this.)

i have grown to hate the telephone. maybe it has something to do with working in a call center environment. or maybe it’s the fact that i spent over a year making a long distance relationship work with the phone as our most reliable means of communication. i don’t know. all i know is that i never use the phone if i don’t absolutely have to anymore.

people call me, and i end up not calling them back. it has nothing to do with not wanting to communicate with friends and family; i simply clam up when i even think about making a phonecall. i wish i could better convey my anxiety about using the phone at all, but it causes so much that relationships suffer.

i can make phonecalls that have no emotional importance. appointments are fine. calling a friend to confirm plans is fine (though i much prefer texting). it’s making a phonecall for purpose of having a meaningful conversation that is inexplicably agonizing.

to those who call me and leave me messages that get responded to with emails, let me use this cliché that is actually true: it’s not you, it’s me.

ok. just writing that silly confession has exhausted me. i’m not up for writing about issue 2. perhaps next time.

if you’ve read this far into the post, i apologize.
i realize it is totally wah wah.
unfortunately, it’s the truth of my deepest inner life today.

/end.

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