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yeah. re: marriage and more children…

yes, we are getting married. finally. we plan on driving to iowa city next month. jude’s gabby and pop pop will take care of her for the 4-5 days we are away. [gulp. can we really leave our baby for that long??] we’re still figuring out the logistics of pulling it all off. officiant, witnesses, getting a waiver the 3 day waiting period for marriage licenses, etc. not to mention lodging. it’s a haphazardly cobbled together plan at this point, and though i’ve at least got the time off from work, we’re trying to decide whether we really do have the funds to be traipsing off on a road trip right now.

i’ll be sure to keep you posted. we are so ready to go through with the actual marriage part of our marriage. even if it is hollow in the eyes of the texas legislature. we choose to see that piece of paper as a little weapon against the status quo. and should the momentum grow in states with a constitutional marriage amendment, maybe we can join a big class action suit. we’re investing in justice.

…hopefully in a month.

now, re: kid 2.0. no one is pregnant in our house. we’ve just been having more conversations about when and how. both our clocks continue to tick, and hilariously, it seems as though we are ovulating on the same day. so, about once a month, the conversation becomes a little more frenzied. and then the urgency passes and we feel like it would be insane to try right now, living on just my meager salary.

i do think we have come to an agreement that we will try to have another biological child, with uncle g reprising his genetic role. we have also decided to become involved with the foster system. we aren’t sure whether we’re heading down the foster/adopt route, or if we want to be a more temporary safe place. lots of question marks there.

i definitely want to flesh out this subject more, but i am distracted. our kitty, phineas, is missing. this is him, when he was a kitten:

green eyes.

he is a miracle kitty. here is a bit of his story. he was born an east side feral kitten, and grew to be a big, fat lazy (and healthy) house cat with the sweetest disposition ever.

we had storms the other night, storms with tornadoes in them. i think the weather freaked phineas out. and i’m pretty sure that our very-indoors cat escaped through the dog door. i hope he is in hiding, on the other side of our back yard fence, and will come home as soon as hunger outweighs fear. so far, however, there has been no sign of him. oh phinny-puss, please come home.

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meh.

let me preface this post by saying: i am so not in the mood to write today. and if it weren’t for my geedee perfectionism and effing nablopomo, i’d so take the day off.

because i am fighting the sick. weak, flushed, shaky and exhausted. churning belly. please don’t let this be the flu.

here are a couple snapshots from the weekend:

saturday: we went to the prop 8 protest at city hall. i took photos, but haven’t processed them yet. they will make an appearance later. i will say that saturday was especially blustery, in a march, kite-flying, cold front sort of way. little j was decked out in a long sleeved onesie with an “i heart my moms” tshirt over it. she wore socks and shoes and a knitted berry hat. she was ridiculously adorable. as for us, h, uncle g, and me all dressed up in a biz-cazh sort of way. you know, just to be fancy. we had no signs, but stood by people with good ones. city hall was overflowing with rainbow flags and tshirts. little bois with “jesus loves me” tshirts. kiddos in wagons. our friend kenny with a “don’t be h8’in” sign scrawled on a pizza box. we stood around, trying to keep out of the wind, listening to various speakers. j babbled loudly. i nursed a little. we stood around some more. h and i snuggled close and kissed a lot. we bore witness to the fambly that we already are. uncle g held little j against his tall, lean frame and they both squinted against the sun with the exact same look on their faces.

we left before the march. the wind was exhausting against our faces. j was tired, we were hungry. we waved at the marchers as we grabbed a quick brunch before home and naps.

ok. too exhausted to keep with the writing of words about things. must keep functioning at the work place. contemplating going home and to bed. maybe i can escape the sick yet…

remind me to tell stories tomorrow of jude’s foray into solid foodland, as well as our neighborhood playground initiation…

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good morning friends. over at my sorely neglected other blog, i wrote an entry about national coming out day, where i outed myself as pregnant for the first time. give it a read if you’re interested.

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as a girl who grew up in an ultra conservative charismatic christian home, i have a twisted fascination with that world. and so i subscribe to an email update list called “worldview weekend”. i am constantly appalled by their ability to twist anything regarding civil rights of people other than themselves into some sort of “real true christian” persecution.

here is the article in the dallas morning news.

The issue was not so much that Mr. Sinclair was, from the church’s perspective, an unrepentant sinner, he said. It’s that it was clear from the photos that his friends and family wanted that part of his life to be a significant part of the service.

The pastor said that he could imagine a similar situation involving a different sin. Perhaps a mother who is a member of the church loses a son who is a thief or murderer, Mr. Simons said. The church would surely volunteer to hold a service, he said.

here is that church’s statement.

no words.
sigh.

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advice?

happy thursday, everybody. today, i am seeking your advice.

i’ve mentioned previously that we are considering a move to oregon next year. well. we recently inherited a house in h’s hometown. let’s call her hometown “tiny”. tiny is located about 1.5-2 hrs from austin, deepinaheartatexass. heretofore, it’s always been a smallminded “yay we love bush” place. recently, however, we have befriended three (three!) gay people who actually really like it there, and are making strides to make tiny a gay-friendlier town. these people run the newspaper, bed and breakfast, winery, best restaurants, etc. and they like us a lot.

h’s mom recently moved back to tiny after years away. h’s brother and nephews live there too.

we are considering a move to tiny. because. hello? free house. where we could have goats. and horses. and family around who would want to be around our little one. my sister would be within driving distance, as would our community in austin.

but. we would be the first lesbian parents in town! we would truly be pioneers. whether we move to oregon or not, the 2nd parent adoption will happen in austin, so we’ll be a legal family, but without domestic partnership rights.

the pull toward oregon is great. for rights. for a chance for h to live outside texas for the first time in her life. for better weather. for a new start. but. we know that if we do this, we will be isolated to a degree. no grandparents within driving distance. no family whatsoever. and the closer we get toward an actual child joining our lives, the more important it is to have the support and love of family around. for sparky as well as for us.

so. would you consider relocating to tiny, texas if you also had the chance to start over somewhere new and more liberal? would you be willing to face the hardships of being a pioneer for the cause if it meant your child would get to grow up with grandparents and cousins?

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h and i had a shut-in weekend here in rainy (!) austin, texas. we were menstruating together–something that happens once maybe every two years. i became a contestant on the clomid challenge.

really difficult conversations ensued.

we have agreed to a new approach about project baby. we will try again next month through october. if i get pregnant, we will stay in austin another year. h will begin her first year of teaching here (which begins fall ’08). i will remain part time at my current job (aka the place that gives us both benefits).

if i do not get pregnant by october, we will stop trying for awhile. we will relocate to eugene, oregon next summer. (thanks to alayna and wendy for their helpful responses to my inquiries, btw.) we’ve been talking about oregon for a little while now, and are very, very excited to get out of texas. to get out of the south, period. we will relocate a year later if we have a baby next summer.

if we move to eugene without a child, we seem to have at least one option to continue ttc.

1. the coach has expressed a whole lot of interest in moving to eugene for his own reasons. and he is very much committed to continuing the ttc journey with us.

2. we have a backup donor who lives in san francisco. not exactly close by, but possible. donor 2 is a best friend of mine, who i’ve known since i was 15, growing up in pennsylvania. he is beautiful, and kind, and wants nothing more than for h and i to have a family.

so there you have it. it took a lot of probably unnecessary tears to come to some really great goals.

oh, and pee ess. day 2 of clomid left me feeling nauseous and ragged. today? i don’t notice anything at all. i think it may have something to do with being back at work, forced to be busy after taking a short vacation. (nothing like working for the company responsible for the iphone to keep me on my toes.)

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hey friends, i need your help.  i have a discussion going on over at my other blog that stemmed, funnily enough, from my wink toward james dobson in my post yesterday.

i’d love for you to add your thoughtful voices to the discussion.  the entry is here.
a lot of conservative christians read my blog, and i think that, despite the likely troll who started it all, this can be an interesting dialogue.  join me?

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2007familyday120×240.jpg this is my first year of writing about lgbt families in any sort of official way. i’ve read a lot of your posts, friends, and i am inspired and honored to walk alongside you.

family has always been a vital part of my life. at age 21, i turned into the unofficial family historian, as i dug up family history, visited estranged relatives, and actually asked for stories from the elders. much of my need came from the death of my father, the storyteller, and my need to connect. it also came from being the youngest child born in a different generation than my siblings. i simply needed to make sense of how i came to be. where i fit in the context of my roots.

as precious as my family is to me, i am now the estranged one, the official black sheep who is living in sin. i am lucky to have the support that i do from certain members of my family, but even with that support, most of them would much rather i shut up about the gay thing already. couldn’t i just be the childless spinster who lives an eccentric life?

no.

i am beginning my own family now, which is more than just another branch on a well-established tree. h and i are planting our own tree, firmly rooted in hope and love and an insane bravery to bring a child into such an unstable world. i am eternally grateful for my sister, e, who will be the most intimate connection to my side of the family. h’s mum is already calling herself grandmother.
the coach’s family is waiting in the wings to love our child and support us as parents. what more do we need?

i echo the concern that many of you have about being more “out” than i ever imagined myself. i had a very emotionally and spiritually difficult coming out process, and agreeing to disagree was the impasse met to keep the peace with what was my community. already, voices from the past are coming out of the woodwork to say that they are “praying for me”. [read: that i change my mind and go through reparation therapy, or at least be celibate if can’t stop the unnatural urges.] it brings up in me some of the old bullshit: am i really an abomination? am i bringing a child into an abomination of a relationship? et cetera.

and then i open my eyes. everything in my heart says i am living my life well. the family that h and i are beginning is one of telling the truth and living the truth. the truth shall set you free they say. we are free.

i know that we will have to defend our family in the eyes of the government. we may live in austin, but austin is still most definitely in texas. i don’t know how–with rick perry as governor–we have second parent adoption, but we do. but we still have battles in the legislature, all the time threatening lgbt rights to parent–or foster–at all. we know our rights are precarious. but we will fight, however we need to.

this article (sent to me by the coach) has resonated with me all week, especially the following quote:

“Gay families are a rising river stretching across the country. Conservative opposition to gay marriage is a dam blocking the way. Impeded in its natural course, the river does not dry up.”

amen.

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