Archive for the ‘2ww’ Category

so guess what?

cd21 seems to have been my lucky day, yesterday! twinges and cramps and more twinges, oh my! my bum ovary did her thing! our timing could not have been better. opk was negative this morning, and my temp has definitely shot up.

so, i didn’t conceive for my birthday. i’m thinking the even better auspice is thanksgiving. right?

here we go. this time next year, we may be the house of virgo.

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spotting today. dipping temp. raging pms with requisite anxiety, inflamed body image issues, and whininess. this isn’t the month, y’all. i’m anticipating tomorrow being cd1.

bring on the clomid check, ie getting felt up all up in my ovaries.
bring on the liquor.

but here is some levity. best photo ever of my beloved friends, big jude and her remarkably light husband steve, the reason we drove 17 hours through the rain to nashville:

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all apologies to those of you who were hoping for some sort of news on monday. we were traveling home monday and yesterday, and i was altogether away from teh interwebs. but now i’m back. with no news. as recently as this morning, i am testing negative. my temps are still way high, though. no spotting. a blanket sort of nausea that comes in waves. though i’m hopeful that i will test positive soon, i’m preparing myself for the likely reality that clomid can cause a longer luteal phase than i’m used to, and less pre-menstrual spotting. so. there’s that.

in other news: how did jude do on a seventeen hour roadtrip? did she love or hate wearing a frilly bridesmaid dress? stay tuned. stories galore to come.

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temps are nice and high in a consistent sort of way now that i’m breathing through my nose again. beginning yesterday, a blanket of nausea has taken me over in the morning. it’s a familiar nausea, one i learned to live with for 17 weeks when i was pregnant with jude. my hips ached so much last night that i couldn’t sleep. h rubbed them like she did when i was in labor, like she did for my whole pregnancy. these are not psychosomatic symptoms.

i will test on my birthday, which is monday.

i am calm about this, not obsessing at all…probably because we’re driving to nashville overnight tonight. nothing like a colossal distraction to make the tww fly. i’ve already packed my peestick(s) and cup. here’s hoping for a july bug.

pee ess dear jude, i have a letter to you brewing in my head. photos are at the ready. you have been warned.

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well, at least i can have liquor.

12dpo. temp is not really rallying. negative test (the digital not pregnant kind). cramps like a mofo. and now? spotting.

i know when i’m licked. i am not pregnant this month. onward. and a smooth irish whiskey awaiting me tonight.

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dippity denial.

big dip this morning. back ache. i know what is coming, but i’m going to live in denial for a few more redless days. for now, i’m going to call it a late, but possible, implantation dip.
Picture 4

pee ess, existential question of the day: is there a difference between hope and denial?

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today’s chart:

Picture 4

negative today. persistent symptoms include:

intense need to sleep
weepiness. lots and lots of weepiness.
sore nips. nursing = ow.
did i mention exhaustion?
intermittent nausea.
the bloat. meh.

this 2ww is a lot harder than i anticipated. i’m trying so hard to keep my head. i focus on jude, on how happy and complete a family we already are. but my need to know is overwhelming. i feel pregnant. i don’t want to be wrong.

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…somatic, much?

nausea and sugar lows and nausea and cramping. and nausea.

meanwhile, my actual child is way into pens and toilet paper rolls today, especially dropping the former through the hole of the latter.Photo 458

Photo 460

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i confess that, last night, i had a dream i tested and got an overwhelming positive.
i confess that i woke up this morning, 6-7 dpo, and sleep-tested. (ie: had i been awake, my logical self would not have wasted a precious test.)
i confess that, of course, the test was negative.
i confess that, if i squinted, i saw something.
i confess that i looked at that poor test stick in all sorts of light, twisting it and continuing to squint.
i confess that i cannot trust mine eyes.

and i promise not to test again until a reasonable dpo.

the end.

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behold, this month’s chart overlain with The Month That Worked TM:

Picture 2

this is how i deal with the 2ww. i scrutinize. and analyze. and antagonize (but only a little).

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