Archive for January 5th, 2012

happy new year, everybody!

has it really been a month since my last post? i’m sorry about that. as per usual, you can blame the following factors:

1. work
2. the plague

reason number two should have been because of all the traveling we were doing during my big fat holiday vacation, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. both the kids became very sick on boxing day, and over a week later, we all slowly began to emerge from our plague cave. what did the kids have, you ask? (because this is, officially, a mommy blog, so i have to write about all kid illnesses for posterity and frantic google searches for solidarity…) answer: hand foot and motherfucking mouth disease.

jude was able to get through the misery through her burgeoning logic. whenever we had to give her terrible, throat-burning medicine, we showed her how to do a “water chaser”. she’d slam a shot of ibuprofen, and then chug a cup of water for relief. but my son? we could not get the poor dude to take medicine for anything. our solution is best explained in a brief exchange with jude:

jude: why is ziggy not taking his medicine?
me: because he doesn’t understand he can take a water chaser to make the burning better.
jude: what’s that in your hand?
me: a suppository.
jude: what you gonna do with it?
me: put medicine up ziggy’s bum.
jude: WHAT?!?!

that poor boy lived on a steady diet of rice milk, suppositories, and a maalox/benadryl mouth relief paste for EIGHT days.

he’s eating like a champ now, thankfully. and we thought everything was looking up until last night at 11pm, when he woke up screaming like someone had circumcised him in his sleep. in reality, he’d had some massive diarrhea that scalded his bum and bits. he shook with the pain. we immediately put him in a baking soda bath, and i swear you could hear the hissssssss of his bum settling into the water.

after slathering him with copious amounts of cortisone, he finally fell asleep. i’m happy to report that his whole area is much better this morning.

i sure hope my kids aren’t superstitious about the auspices of new years’ beginnings. i don’t want them to feel like 2012 is doomed. if they must lean toward the superstition, i do hope they see they plague as the purging of an old year, in order to have a freer, healthier new one.

alright, my morning writing time is coming to a close, and i do promise another post sooner than a month. really.

in the meantime, here, have some seriously belated holiday fambly photos, in our intentionally cheese garb. [my mom thought we were sincere. when i explained the joke, she defensively asked, “well what’s wrong with turtle necks?”]

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