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Archive for September 9th, 2010

still in the oven.

seeing as how my daily stats have more than tripled over the last few days, i’m guessing you’d all like to know if there is an update to my quick update?

here’s the short answer: still pregnant.

and here’s a little more info, if you’re so inclined:
yesterday was my weekly midwife appt. zig is measuring between 38-39 weeks, still estimated to be in the 8lb range. i’ve lost 5 lbs in the past two weeks, which brings me back to what i believe is 1 lb less than the weight i was when i got pregnant. so basically, my son continues to be an adorable little parasite who will ultimately bring me a fabulous figure, yes?

jude laid next to me on the four poster bed while the midwives listened to ziggy’s heartbeat. as i wiped the goo from my belly, she exclaimed “jude’s turn!” and lifted her shirt. and so midwife meg gooed j’s chest and turned on the doppler. jude listened, rapt, with puckered lips and big, blue unblinking eyes. it made me cry a little bit to hear jude’s heartbeat through a doppler again, after 27 months. the reality of the child inside me was felt a little deeper in that moment. the mysterious whoosh whoosh in my belly is the heart of my daughter, my son. and there we all were, lying on a big bed together.

…my maternity leave has been nothing but moment after moment of waking up to the wonder of my children, by the way. every day, it’s an achy soul squeezing sensation. there will never be a non-sappy way to describe it. motherhood has made me into a sap. pregnancy has made me into a blubbery sap.

i digress.

so yeah. still pregnant. as of yesterday, i was still dilated to 2. my cervix was still too thick to make anyone believe i was about to pop. another few days, michele says apologetically. perhaps a week.

and i was okay with this news, mostly because i was given things to do to while away the time:

continue to walk every morning: check. –h, j and i have been walking everyday, sometimes nearly a mile. it’s felt so so good to move my body. and j gets to run and race and pick up stones and wave at chickens and cows.

squat with every contraction: check.

get on the EPO and dr christopher’s herbs: check.

acupressure and acupuncture: check. –contractions after acupuncture today were pretty fantastic. lots of squatting. lots of heavy breathing. at one point, a pained expression on my face really upset jude. she wailed and wailed, and i had to snuggle her for a long time after the contraction passed. she knows her brother is coming soon. she is really dealing with it in an intense, clingy way at the moment. she asks for my arms to be around her. instead of self-soothing by twirling (and knotting) her own hair, she holds tightly to mine when she’s sleepy. i confess that i love being able to console her in such a tangible way. i want her to remember, and i whisper it in her ear as she falls asleep, that she is my beloved, my joy; she is safe and she is home. i love you, jude, i say. i wash you too mommy, she replies before beginning to snore like her mama.

as for an update on my labor fears, i can only say that the closer i get to the inevitable, the less afraid i am. there are still moments of panic, but they are fewer, and less intense. my brain is preparing to make sense of what my body is already doing. yesterday, michele told me about a birth she attended the day before. the first time mama played bach on the piano between contractions. when labor became too intense, apprentice midwife genevieve took over playing. for some reason, the simple peace of this act centered me. i have so much choice about the spirit of ziggy’s birth. i want to play the proverbial bach. and when i can’t anymore, i want to allow the women in the room to play for me.

here’s what the bump looked like yesterday, 38w4d:

night night, everybody.

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