the past weeks have been strange ones. balance has been precarious (as evidenced by my spectacular fall) all around me. an airplane crashed a moment behind me. last weekend, a (thankfully unoccupied) house around the corner from us BLEW UP at 2 am, days after thieves stole the oven and left the gas on. our house shook. the neighborhood was full of smoke and the bright orange and blue of a gas fire. the safe womb of home i’ve worked so hard to create feels like it’s been encroached upon. my hackles are raised. my heart is fearful that we’re next, that disaster is looming in a close, darkened corner.
this precarious balance has been exacerbated by how little i’ve seen my wife and daughter this week. h has taken a babysitting job caring for bobby, jude’s bff. it’s only 2 hours a day: 10am till noon. this past week, however, h has been needed from 8-12. every morning, i’ve blearily kissed my girls goodbye from bed before getting myself ready for work. every day, i arrive home within a half hour of jude’s bedtime. i’ve interacted with my child for half hour a day this week. h and i go to bed soon after jude does.
i’ve felt very alone all week, as i hobbled through every workday. i am grateful for my job, for insurance, for stability, but it does not do much for feeling awake and alive to the wonder of the world, if you know what i mean. with my wondergirls missing from my day, i watched the proverbial tumbleweed roll by.
but today is saturday. h is off at the home depot, with big plans for composting and gardening and weed-eating. j is stirring but still napping. she wrapped herself around my legs this morning, screaming “MOMMMEEEEEEEE! MOMMMEEEEEEE!” she debuted some new words for me too: charley! choochoo! hotdog! we have two whole days together. tonight, h and i have a date with some friends, as uncle g spends the eve with j. oh connection. i’m so grateful.
and on monday, as a fambly, we’ll gather to watch ziggy for the first time on a big tv, and we’ll wonder altogether at just how blessed, and connected, we are .