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Archive for September 16th, 2009

flowers.

the news about my empty womb came down at the beginning of my work day. to soften the blow a bit, h & j came to visit me for lunch.

upon arriving, jude saw me from 100 feet away, and for the first time ever, ran to me. with arms precariously raised and screams of absolute joy she ran and ran until she reached me. i scooped her up, spun her around, and she hugged me over and over while planting my face with loud wet kisses.

we walked to a nearby playground, and on our way, jude noticed some perfectly-planted-in-a-business-park-way lantana. “flowers” we said. “flowers” she said, in such a matter of fact way that it sounded just like she’d been rolling the word around in her mouth for weeks.

we slid down slides. she gave me pebble after pebble, one of which is now sitting on my desk. we snuggled and sweated. and i returned to work remembering that we are so very complete and lucky. and blessed.

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well, at least i can have liquor.

12dpo. temp is not really rallying. negative test (the digital not pregnant kind). cramps like a mofo. and now? spotting.

i know when i’m licked. i am not pregnant this month. onward. and a smooth irish whiskey awaiting me tonight.

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