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Archive for September 16th, 2008

shrug.

well hello again.

it’s an unseasonably cool evening here in austin, texass, and i’m taking full advantage by sitting outside tonight. our windows are all open, and above my head, i hear a happily squealing baby getting ready for her bath.

it’s been a whirlwind of a weekend, with uncle g’s mom–aka jude’s gabby–coming to town from houston to ride out hurricane ike. thankfully, her house seems to be fine, though she’s still without power. we spent the weekend ogling the baby, eating good food supplied by h, east side pies and clay pit. yum all around. we also played a riveting game of canasta, during which we took turns holding the baby. good times.

a little while ago, i announced that my sister e was pregnant with her first baby, but then i took that info down, as she hadn’t really gone public with the news. she’s now 10 weeks along, and my mom knows, so it’s safe to mention here. e is 39, and after 10 years on the pill, got pregnant on the first try. her doc had her lined up for the clomid challenge, given her “advanced maternal age”, but clearly my sister is her own fertility goddess. her due date is 4 days after her 40th birthday.

today, e had a bleeding scare. blood flowed like water, and she rushed herself to the er. ultrasound revealed a happily moving baby with a heartrate of 167, and everything seems to be fine. the culprit appears to be the s-e-x. she has a followup ultrasound on monday, but her doctor is pretty confident that all will continue to be well. do think healthy thoughts for her and her baby, if you think of it. e is a nervous wreck of emotion.

my mastitis is slowly healing, thank GOD. i was so miserable pumping all the time and having less time nursing jude. i really missed the connection with my baby. she did too, i think. she has been desperate for snuggles lately.

clearly, my mastitis did not poorly affect little j. according to our home scale, she is pushing 17 lbs. did i mention she grew a diaper size when we were in nashville? i think i did. well, she did. and she’s wearing 6-9 month clothes now. there are so many tiny outfits that she never got the chance to wear. sad.

so poor h has been afflicted by some sort of virus–an itchy, rashy virus. combined with my mastitis ickiness, we have been a grumpy pair. lots of shrugging and sighing instead of conversation, and loads of sleep. thankfully, jude has granted us this sleepy time, and has mostly joined in.

i hear the little one growing grumpy herself now, so i must close, but i wanted to thank all of you who sent kind words my way after my last post. i am trying to be as healthy as i can about my dear friend, and am slowly letting go of the grief of how close we once were and how my telling the truth of my life changed that. therapy has helped, as has distraction. i have had to remind myself that just because she adamantly disagrees with my life does not make me wrong. i am living a life of love and honesty, and i am finally free of the demons that kept me in the closet until i was 24 years old. the life of my daughter is a testament to that freedom. amen.

what’s a post without a jude pic? here is another one from nashville, of me and j and my dear friend, m. m is the first person i ever came out to, and was my rock during that horrid first year of being a lesbian living in the middle of christian music and fear. she wells up with tears of joy when she sees me now, whole and in love, and blessed with the miracle of my world.

with auntie marlei.

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