Archive for September 10th, 2008

long time.

well hello. anyone still out there?

please forgive my lack of words here lately. my world is a bit topsy turvy these days, and finding the energy to sit down and write has been difficult. my computer time has been reduced to posting half-edited photos on flickr, and reading–but not responding to–email.

our trip to nashville was a whirlwind of busyness and fun. i was in a wedding, which meant h spent loads of time with the judelet, and i spent loads of time pumping. i even stripped nekkid during the reception so i could pump. (the dress was not conducive to nursing.)

my sweet baby did so well with all the travel and hubbub. she slept through the first flight and much of the second. she endured being passed around to lots of people. she was just so…good! her sleep schedule was severely messed with, however, and nights were difficult, as she woke up to nurse nearly every hour. i think this had a lot to do with all night cosleeping, as well as the unavailability of my boobs during most of the days.

she also grew a whole diaper size while we were in nashville. my little 12 weeker now fits comfortably in a size 3.

it was indescribably wonderful to see and introduce my daughter to all of my nashville friends. big jude, little j’s namesake, just moved from london to nashville on the same weekend we were there, and so they were able to meet for the first time. my heart nearly exploded with joy. many photos were taken.

here is big j eating little j:
jude eats jude.

and here is one of my favorite shots of jude, because i can see how much she looks like me sometimes:
in which she looks like me.

there are many more photos to be seen here if you are interested.

so yes. our trip was wonderful. but there is a sad coda to our adventure, unfortunately. one of an attempted resurrection of an important relationship in my life. it’s a story i’m still finding the words to tell, but suffice it to say my heart aches, and i am not sure if the relationship is salvageable. this person has never been able to reconcile her faith with my life choices, and now that there is a child in the mix, the stakes are much higher…for both of us.

…this sadness has kept me from writing here, honestly. i’m used to being exposed here, and this story isn’t one i’m ready to talk publicly about. and yet it has consumed so much of me. maybe there will be more to say later. or maybe i will be able to let it all go and simply move on. stay tuned.

meanwhile, i gots the mastitis. all the aforementioned pumping vs nursing weirdness seems to have taken its toll. i’m on antibiotics and a plugged duct has recently unplugged itself, so i am definitely on the mend. for now, i’m pumping on the afflicted side (it hurts too much to nurse) and nursing on the other. i still feel pretty flu-like, but am hoping things will start getting back to normal soon.

normal sounds delightful.

god bless my beautiful wife, who is totally picking up the slack around the house while i’m recuperating. she is not only my heart, but my hands and breastesses this week.

and now, i’m off to eat some chocolate and pump yet again.

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