midwife appointment was frustrating yesterday. there were lovely moments, such as playing with michele’s tiny siamese-mix 6 week old kitten with the blue blue eyes. but overall, i was frustrated. my heartrate was up again, 100bpm or so. backup midwife wonders if it’s my thyroid and recommends i get it checked after i give birth. blargh.
my hemoglobin is still lowlowlow: 10.3. this is after 2 weeks on gentle iron twice a day, plus floradix (liquid iron supplement) twice a day. i’m taking it all with over 2000 mg of vitamin c every day. also, i’m eating a lot of red meat, cooked lovingly by my vegetarian h in an iron skillet. so i had a surprise blood draw, done by the new apprentice. hopefully i’ll have better results on monday. h is sure the midwife’s monitor is off.
meanwhile, the pressure is on to keep my iron levels up, should i go into labor this weekend. i have to start taking chlorophyll and a new kind of iron to help me absorb it all better. blargh.
not much has changed as far as labor progress goes. i’m still hanging out at a little over 1 cm dilated, and am 75-80% effaced. sparky is -2 station. during the internal exam, however, michele could feel sparky’s head tuck nicely when she pushed down on her bum. so she’s in a good position to come out the right way at least.
oh, and i lost 3 lbs since last week. total weight loss in 4 weeks: 6 lbs. blargh.
so you see why i was a little frustrated yesterday, despite getting to play with a fluffy kitten?
yesterday was also psychological mindfuck day as backup midwife told me, “you know you’ll probably deliver a week or two late right? even if i thought you were going to deliver early, i wouldn’t tell you.” and even michele reverted to the adage that first time moms deliver a week late. yeah yeah yeah, i know! it’s hard to swallow the dichotomy of “let’s see if we can get you to deliver early” with “you’ll probably go past your due date”.
so anyway. last night, i was totally exhausted after such a long day. h fell asleep at 9. i followed shortly after. and i couldn’t sleep. my heart was pounding again, and sparky’s foot was pushing against my diaphragm. i tossed and turned, sat up, stood up, paced, rolled around on the birth ball, stared at the stars awhile. nothing helped. i couldn’t get a good, deep breath. i was dizzy and the more i couldn’t breathe, the more panicky i felt. it was claustrophobia, climbing at the walls, stuck in my skin, etc. two benadryl finally knocked me out at 1 am. i woke up again at 5 with the same feeling. tried everything again. one more benadryl was the only thing that worked when i was still awake after sunrise.
now it’s 3 pm, and i feel like i was beat up last night. oy. i am so ready for this baby to come out. i feel my hard belly, and the very long baby balled up within it, and i beg her to please come out. none of this later-than-my-due-date bullshit. we need to get things going please. because i can’t take this trapped feeling of not being able to breathe for much longer. i don’t want to introduce my daughter to panic attacks.
this morning’s redemption, so i don’t sound too incredibly whiny: i woke up to gentle rain falling. we’ve been bone dry for weeks now, and every day is a temperature for the record books. today, a moment of relief. i needed it.