this morning, we awoke to early morning showers. the house was dark and cozy, and we’d left the windows open last night. and so we snuggled and listened to the rain, before h got the ingenius idea to make pancakes. really, a perfect morning. after pancakes, we napped until noon, when i had to reluctantly get ready for work.
this afternoon, my eyes are sandy with sleepiness, and nausea is a subtle blanket over my belly. it’s not enough to say, “oh i’m so sick. *vomit*”, but it’s enough to sap my energy. of course, this is reassuring…
my whole family officially knows about my pregnancy now. i can’t believe i haven’t written about that before now! basically, my mother (who, if you remember, knew we were trying) is excited and simultaneously confused. when i had the blood scare last week, she called me right away after i left a message and had sweet, reassuring things to say. and then she shared her stories of nausea and cravings while she was pregnant with me. it was a really sweet moment, and i am so grateful that my mom has a bigger heart than theology.
my oldest sister, p, was surprised and happy (and confused too, i’m sure). she immediately offered her tips on keeping morning sickness in check, along with anecdotes about her pregnancy w/ my niece and nephew. i’m still not sure how we’ll tell niece and nephew, or if my sister would rather tell them herself, but i look forward to them knowing about their cousin!
meanwhile, my sister e, who will be the godmother, is excited for us. it’s a little bittersweet when we talk, however. she is 38 and divorced, and is coming to terms with the fact that she has a limited amount of time to get pregnant. all of her sisters now are mothers. she doesn’t say these things out loud, but i hear wistfulness when we talk. she is dating a lovely guy now, so maybe this will lead to fambly? for her, i hope.
anyway. i broke down and called my estranged sister, c. she is veryveryvery conservative–especially in the last couple of years–and when we do talk, she refuses to acknowledge my relationship at all. but i still didn’t want her to hear the news from someone who is not me.
to sum up the conversation: awkward! it took her a good 5 minutes to understand that i can be both a lesbian and pregnant. i started off by saying i was having a baby, but when she didn’t get it–after i explained donor, contracts, etc–i had to say slowly: i.am.pregnant. i.have.a.due.date. with no feeling in her voice, she responded with “well i’m glad you’re happy.” and she told me to take care of the baby. and she promised to accept the baby (whatever that means). i gave her an open door for questions, but i doubt she’ll bring up the topic ever again, at least until sparky is born.
i’m okay with how the conversation went. i feel like i did the right thing by telling c myself. i wonder if she’ll ever even meet sparky, considering i have seen her once in 3 years, and it took a funeral for that to happen.
so i had my first pregnancy dream last night. i was in london with my friend jude, and i tried to buy a pack of cigarettes from a vending machine. instead, i got a big can of rolling tobacco. somehow, i took the tobacco and made it into a lovely pasta, which tasted divine. and i wondered to myself as i chowed down, “i wonder if tobacco pasta is okay for the baby”.
guess who is still missing her smokes?