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Archive for August, 2007

cd22 update.

first: to the person who found me via the keywords “lesbian milk drinking”, welcome! i’m a bit lactose intolerant, but i am a lesbian…

second: thank you to all of you who wrote such informative and kind comments. i took your information with me to the doctor today.

dr. c agrees that my cycle is most likely wacked out due to the travel/stress/grief of this month. trista’s helpful comment about opk results changed the look of my chart a bit. i may have ovulated yesterday/today, and be on the upward thermal swing today. opk is most definitely negative today.

we insemmed 2 nights ago, so if i did ovulate (or am ovulating now), we had pretty good timing. nevertheless, we’re giving it one more go tonight, which dr c thinks is a good idea.

at this point, she doesn’t recommend i up my dose of clomid. (i’m at 50 mg.) she thinks this month is simply a fluke. she also doesn’t recommend trigger shots now, either. since we have such a generous donor (tonight is attempt #6), she doesn’t see the need. and she’s not ready to hand me off to an RE just yet.

to break down everything that that happened today, the password is “wait”.

my ovaries look good and cyst-free, and cervix is still high-ish, so she’s happy.

onward toward the 2 week wait for us after tonight. here’s to intrepid swimmers and a rising body temperature. cheers.

oh! pee ess: i’ve lost 7 lbs since i began going to dr c.!

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no change with the opk’s. still the mindfuck shade of is-it-lighter pink.

temp is back down again this morning. cd21.

symptoms are all still accounted for:

entertaining ewcm. (i actually summon h to the bathroom to show her with pride.)
o cramps in my lower back and down my left leg.
a practically unreachable cervix. “ooo lips,” said h. and definitely open.

we did insem last night. poor coach. FIVE times this month.

remember last month’s beauty pageant-winning chart?
here’s this month’s monstrosity:
picture-2.png (sorry for the need to clicky. i really need to work out the formatting issues.)

on a sillier note, i found out that i’m not pregnant. my opks came with a free pregnancy test that looked a lot like the ovulation tests, except clear. i thought it was just defective or something. and then i looked at the box after i took the test and got a decidedly negative result. smack head.

ok. question. my doctor has not mentioned the option of trigger shots at this point. should i ask for this? i really know very little about them, how they’re used in conjunction w/ clomid, etc. would you wise women school me? my appt is tomorrow afternoon, so a little advice before then would be ever so helpful.

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inching closer…

this afternoon’s opk, as photographed by my imac’s photobooth–at work.

mypicture.jpg

it’s mostly equal in the darkness, except for a tiny lighter stripe. total whiskey tango foxtrot, especially when i really, really don’t have the cash to purchase a more expensive [read: clearer] opk.

i guess i’ll just watch my temps. i have a clomid check appt on weds. hopefully i’ll be happily luteal.

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cd20.

still negative this morning. the opks i can afford are such mindfucks.  they look like they’re juuuuust about dark enough, but not quite.  they are the reason for alcohol abuse amongst women trying to conceive.

…temp is up a little, but not enough to make me think i’ve ovulated.

had nasty, nasty o cramps the other night, which are now gone. so. maybe?  we insemmed that night.

going to call the doctor today, schedule a progesterone test.

and now i’m going to drink a well deserved cup of coffee.

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so close, but…

this is what my opk looks like this afternoon. it’s the darkest it’s been, but still lighter than the control.

what say yous? think it’ll go all the way?

img_8468.jpg

clicky please.

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and.

cd18. still negative.  we gave the coach a day off yesterday.

i am trying very hard not to fall apart over this.
but i ache.

clomid promised ovulation within 10 days.  last month–the dry run month–was perfect. i naively thought this month would be the same.  i’ve got all the ovulation symptoms, except for the temperature shift and positive test.

i’m worried about this being an anovulatory month, even with the clomid.  and, forgive the pun, i put a lot of eggs in this month’s basket.  when i was in pennsylvania last week, my focal point for getting through the grief and stress was getting home, getting to try–actually having a real shot at it this month.

it’s still too early to call.  i’m not giving up hope.  without clomid, i usually ovulate around cd21, so i know i’m not out of the game.

h is being very supportive. right now she’s out getting the makings for homemade waffles.

have any of you had issues with clomid not fulfilling its promises?

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meh.

last night, the coach stopped by for a delivery and maybe a movie (he brought flash gordon). that plan was thwarted by our sweet, well-meaning, but completely draining neighbor. he is an african refugee. sweet guy. a dancer. big pothead living with an apparent crackhead. this has not been boding well for their roommate relationship. yesterday was big drama. he came over to our house to vent. for a very long time.

meanwhile, i sat there trying not to have a panic attack. since i’ve been back from the funeral, i’ve had to jump into a very busy workplace, and basically just keep my shit together. [note: i am completely off my meds right now.]

and then there is ovulation season. i am excited about making a baby, but even with more calming techniques in effect, it all still stresses me out…especially the constant negative opk part. on cd17. i’m not out of the game, and i’ll probably still ovulate, but damn. it’s hard not to be stressed when you’ve had so many months of not ovulating at all.

our neighbor finally left a little after 11, and the coach did his thing and called it a night. we insemmed with my hips propped in bed, and both fell asleep immediately thereafter.

today i am just exhausted, and trying not to be deflated by yet another opk. had a half degree temp dip this morning; maybe that’s a good thing.

all i want to do is sleep.

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as a girl who grew up in an ultra conservative charismatic christian home, i have a twisted fascination with that world. and so i subscribe to an email update list called “worldview weekend”. i am constantly appalled by their ability to twist anything regarding civil rights of people other than themselves into some sort of “real true christian” persecution.

here is the article in the dallas morning news.

The issue was not so much that Mr. Sinclair was, from the church’s perspective, an unrepentant sinner, he said. It’s that it was clear from the photos that his friends and family wanted that part of his life to be a significant part of the service.

The pastor said that he could imagine a similar situation involving a different sin. Perhaps a mother who is a member of the church loses a son who is a thief or murderer, Mr. Simons said. The church would surely volunteer to hold a service, he said.

here is that church’s statement.

no words.
sigh.

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last night, we had a great time at the swim meet. we drove over to the coach’s house to pick up the swimmers, and came home to insem with a little more privacy than before. (usually, the coach sits outside and waits for us to finish before we all play cards.)

i’m fairly certain we’ve started a little early, since i’m still – opk, but the whole experience between h and i was so tender. even with a newly-introduced catheter, it felt the least clinical of all our attempts. we were making love, and making a baby. and we smiled and giggled.

afterward, the coach did come over for a rousing game of canasta. it was a perfect night.

hopefully i’ll get a positive reading tonight or tomorrow morning, and we’ll try again!

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swim meet tonight!

my flight back to texas was insanely delayed. a story for another time (which, fortunately, included an upgrade to first class), but i didn’t get home until nearly 4 am.

today is cd 14, and last month i got a +opk on cd 15. so. we will begin insemming tonight. we’re heading over to the coach’s house in a few minutes.  i know we’re a bit early, but we want to cover all bases.  we’ll do it again tomorrow and either the next day or friday.

wish us luck. i shaved my legs.

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