Archive for July, 2007


today, my 12 year old niece chatted me for commiseration about boys. all her friends are boy crazy, and she is not. she thinks the whole scene is just gross.

i helped raise my niece. i took care of her every day during the first months and years of her life, as my sister’s life was in transition and she needed the help. and now my niece is on the cusp of teenagerdom. and she comes to me for advice, for knowledge.

we talked of periods today. she hasn’t gotten it yet, and is quite curious. does it hurt? how long does it last? etc. i was surprised to hear that her school has never taught about it. she’s about to enter seventh grade! and my sister hasn’t initiated conversation about it either; she’s probably waiting for my niece to bring it up. and so, aunt anne is the source of information.

(i did email my sister alerting her to the fact that her daughter is becoming quite curious, and nervous…)

the conversation with my niece made h and i excited about the role we will get to play in our child’s/children’s life…that we will get to help them wade through the murky waters of adolescence someday. our joy at the opportunity to start a family was rekindled. next month can’t come soon enough. if my cycle behaves itself, i’ll be back in the game in about 5 weeks.


Read Full Post »


happy photo friday, friends.

i dug into the archives for this shot. castlerock, northern ireland. i visited for the first time with dear friends in spring 2002, spending a few days in a family caravan on the coast. this view was 1/2 mile walk.

fall 2002, i moved to northern ireland for a few months, and spent even more time on the coast. there is a beautiful hostel on the beach where i stayed for several days.

castlerock is a magic place for me. i did my best writing there, felt my best self. even in november, in the rain.


Read Full Post »

h and i had a shut-in weekend here in rainy (!) austin, texas. we were menstruating together–something that happens once maybe every two years. i became a contestant on the clomid challenge.

really difficult conversations ensued.

we have agreed to a new approach about project baby. we will try again next month through october. if i get pregnant, we will stay in austin another year. h will begin her first year of teaching here (which begins fall ’08). i will remain part time at my current job (aka the place that gives us both benefits).

if i do not get pregnant by october, we will stop trying for awhile. we will relocate to eugene, oregon next summer. (thanks to alayna and wendy for their helpful responses to my inquiries, btw.) we’ve been talking about oregon for a little while now, and are very, very excited to get out of texas. to get out of the south, period. we will relocate a year later if we have a baby next summer.

if we move to eugene without a child, we seem to have at least one option to continue ttc.

1. the coach has expressed a whole lot of interest in moving to eugene for his own reasons. and he is very much committed to continuing the ttc journey with us.

2. we have a backup donor who lives in san francisco. not exactly close by, but possible. donor 2 is a best friend of mine, who i’ve known since i was 15, growing up in pennsylvania. he is beautiful, and kind, and wants nothing more than for h and i to have a family.

so there you have it. it took a lot of probably unnecessary tears to come to some really great goals.

oh, and pee ess. day 2 of clomid left me feeling nauseous and ragged. today? i don’t notice anything at all. i think it may have something to do with being back at work, forced to be busy after taking a short vacation. (nothing like working for the company responsible for the iphone to keep me on my toes.)

Read Full Post »

clomid 101

day one of clomid. one crying jag.

please share your own clomid stories with me. i need a little commiseration.

Read Full Post »

i started my period on my own after a 43 day cycle. and let me tell you, my uterus is angry.

i cannot tell you how relieved i am not to have to take progesterone this week.  the last time i took it, i was 18, and it so severely fucked with my hormonal balance that i punched a girl. in religion class.

…this history does not bode well for c-c-c-clomid, which begins on wednesday. i’m hoping that i have grown as a person in the last 10 years, and that i will be to handle clomid like a champ. or at least pretend to.

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts