i am much more sane today. h and i continued our discussion calmly, and i tried very hard to only stand in her shoes, so i could really hear her.
even though we will both be employed when sparky arrives, this next year is an internship for h. she is worried that having a baby during her first semester of teaching special ed will be too much pressure. and she wants to provide as best she can in every way.
of course i understand that.
my body does not, however. and so i’m in constant mind-over-body override mode now. i hope it will get easier.
it just makes this 2ww harder.
i am on day 3 of massive fernage. let me rephrase that: i started testing saliva two days ago. i may have been fertile a day before. i don’t know. i’m still negative opk. but i think my temp dipped today. if i ovulate in the next 24 hours, the sperm will still be viable. i’m still in the game at this point for this month. (feel free to check out my chart. advice or thoughts are always welcome…)
h. is prepared that there is a small chance i will end up pregnant this month. and part of me is chomping at the bit to just try one more time this month, since the coach was planning on coming over tonight. but it wouldn’t be fair to ask that of h., and so i’ve given the coach permission to go about his business as usual.
h and i came to a compromise about the situation, which
makes me a little less insanegives me a little more hope. we will try for a summer 2008 baby, as she will have the summer off. that’s fair. it means we can try again starting late july-mid august, depending on my 38ish day cycle. i think i can handle a couple months off. it’s the indefinite that drives me crazy.
the weirdest part about all of this is that my worrying and exasperation may be for nothing. i may be pregnant. i don’t want to hope, but i do.