Archive for May 15th, 2007

oh what the hell.

when i came out to my family, it was a slow, one-at-a-time process. i have 3 sisters. one brother in law. and a mother. (as you know.) inevitably, someone let the cat out of the bag before i could tell sister 3. it was an accident. sister 3 was discussing thanksgiving plans with brother in law, who knew. jokingly, he said, “so, do you think your lesbian sister will make it for the holiday?” sister 3, taken aback that he had suspicions about my sexuality, gasped: “do you think she is? i’ve always wondered. i mean, no boyfriends…just look at the state of her nails…” brother in law realized what he’d done and just said, “oh shit. here. talk to my wife.”

thus, it came to pass that i had to catch up with sister 3 quickly before she felt like i wasn’t ever going to tell her.
[note: sister 3 is also e.  the future godmother of sparky.]

sister 1, who is married to brother in law, has estranged herself from me in the past year or so.  she has had a harder time dealing with my sexuality than she originally thought. or, at least, that i think. but i’m pretty sure. and so, my oldest sister, who used to be my best friend, has no idea about sparky. e. knows. mom knows. anyone see a potential disaster?

i emailed sister 1 just now. she is in the process of relocating due to bro in law’s job, and phone time is probably nearly impossible. also, if she reacts like my mom, i don’t want to hear the silence.

ok. i do have big news for you. it’s really the type of news to tell in person, or at least over the phone, but i just don’t want to keep it from you. i really want you to know.

we are going to start a family.  as you may remember, we explored adoption, but right now, in texas, it proved to be hard and expensive to pull off with all the added legal fees of fighting thru the red tape. so. we’re taking matters into our own hands. literally.

i’ve spent the last several months preparing my body for getting pregnant. i quit smoking. weaned myself off my meds (under care of my dr), etc etc.

we are working with a known donor, have all the contracts drawn for his relinquishment of rights, and tried for the first time this month. i just found out i’m not pregnant yet, so it’s on to next month.

i know this is a strange situation to wrap your thought and feelings around. i don’t know how you will end up feeling about it in the end. just know that we haven’t entered into this process lightly. i am healthy and happy, and our finances are such that we can actually start a family and be okay. every step of this process is surrounded with psychiatrists, therapists, and a great ob/gyn.

you know how much i’ve always wanted to be a mom. i’m almost 30, and i’m settled and happy. i’ve never felt so ready to try.

…and the same goes for h.

in the end, you’ll have a niece or nephew that will probably look just like your son.

i love you.
and i miss you.


maybe there will be something like support. if not, at least i have the relief of it being out there.

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