family has always been a vital part of my life. at age 21, i turned into the unofficial family historian, as i dug up family history, visited estranged relatives, and actually asked for stories from the elders. much of my need came from the death of my father, the storyteller, and my need to connect. it also came from being the youngest child born in a different generation than my siblings. i simply needed to make sense of how i came to be. where i fit in the context of my roots.
as precious as my family is to me, i am now the estranged one, the official black sheep who is living in sin. i am lucky to have the support that i do from certain members of my family, but even with that support, most of them would much rather i shut up about the gay thing already. couldn’t i just be the childless spinster who lives an eccentric life?
i am beginning my own family now, which is more than just another branch on a well-established tree. h and i are planting our own tree, firmly rooted in hope and love and an insane bravery to bring a child into such an unstable world. i am eternally grateful for my sister, e, who will be the most intimate connection to my side of the family. h’s mum is already calling herself grandmother.
the coach’s family is waiting in the wings to love our child and support us as parents. what more do we need?
i echo the concern that many of you have about being more “out” than i ever imagined myself. i had a very emotionally and spiritually difficult coming out process, and agreeing to disagree was the impasse met to keep the peace with what was my community. already, voices from the past are coming out of the woodwork to say that they are “praying for me”. [read: that i change my mind and go through reparation therapy, or at least be celibate if can't stop the unnatural urges.] it brings up in me some of the old bullshit: am i really an abomination? am i bringing a child into an abomination of a relationship? et cetera.
and then i open my eyes. everything in my heart says i am living my life well. the family that h and i are beginning is one of telling the truth and living the truth. the truth shall set you free they say. we are free.
i know that we will have to defend our family in the eyes of the government. we may live in austin, but austin is still most definitely in texas. i don’t know how–with rick perry as governor–we have second parent adoption, but we do. but we still have battles in the legislature, all the time threatening lgbt rights to parent–or foster–at all. we know our rights are precarious. but we will fight, however we need to.
this article (sent to me by the coach) has resonated with me all week, especially the following quote:
“Gay families are a rising river stretching across the country. Conservative opposition to gay marriage is a dam blocking the way. Impeded in its natural course, the river does not dry up.”